Weekend Update Sam and Gilly


Colin Jost

Samwell Tarly… Bobby Moynihan

Gilly… Venessa Bayer

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: With it’s sexy characters and steamy plot lines, Game of Thrones is the hottest show on the TV right now. Here to talk about it is the hottest couple in Westoros, Samwell Tarly and the wilgling Gilly.

[Samwell Tarly and Gilly slide in]

Gilly: Thank you but no pictures please.

Samwell Tarly: Thank you.

Gilly: Thank you.

Samwell Tarly: Thank you.

Gilly: Thank you.

Samwell Tarly: Thank you.

Gilly: Thank you.

Colin Jost: I’m sorry. You guys are the show’s hottest couple?

Gilly: Yeah!

Colin Jost: Okay, what about Jon Snow and Egret?

Gilly: She’s dead.

Samwell Tarly: Dead, yeah.

Colin Jost: Okay, well what about Rob Stark?

Samwell Tarly: Dead.

Gilly: Dead.

Samwell Tarly: Also dead.

Colin Jost: Okay, what about Cersei and Jaime?

Gilly: Incest.

Samwell Tarly: Yeah, doesn’t count.

Gilly: Doesn’t count. Sorry.

Colin Jost: Okay. So, being the only couple makes you the hottest couple?

[Cut to Samwell Tarly and Gilly]

Samwell Tarly: Yeah. And it’s not easy being frost into the spotlight.

Gilly: Yeah, you know, everyone is looking at me now wondering what kind of rags would I be wearing, what will I be complaining about, how sick will my baby be. It’s like, live your own life!

Samwell Tarly: Yeah, you know? And the paparazzi won’t leave us alone. I mean, look at this who wore it better spread.

Gilly: And you know, it just turns my stomach to think about all these young boys dreaming about my stringy hair and my bulging eyes, you know, sneaking up stairs to have it go at themselves.

[Cut to Samwell Tarly, Gilly and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: No, no, no. I really– I don’t think boys are doing that.

Samwell Tarly: They are. No, they are. To her and me.

Gilly: Yeah, yeah.

[Cut to Samwell Tarly and Gilly]

Let’s just say people look at us and the winter is not the only thing that’s coming.

[Cut to Samwell Tarly, Gilly and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Oh! Wow! Oh, Wow! Don’t applaud that. Don’t applaud that!

Samwell Tarly: No, they should.

Colin Jost: I have to say I don’t think anyone would call you two traditionally sexy.

[Cut to Samwell Tarly and Gilly]

Samwell Tarly: Oh, I don’t know. I mean, I’ve been mistaken for Jon Snow from very, very far away. And also, I’ve been mistaken for a large pile of crows, and the entrance to a cave.

Gilly: You know, but underneath this sex appeal, we’re just a regular couple.

Samwell Tarly: Yeah, I mean we live at the wall. It’s not the greatest neighborhood but I mean, it’s an elevator building.

Gilly: You see, we’re normal people. We met in the normal way. My ex tried to sacrifice my baby to a ghost but Sam went to the killing stump and saved him.

Samwell Tarly: Oh, boy.

Gilly: Oh, he hates when I talk about my ex.

Samwell Tarly: Yeah, because your ex is your father.

Colin Jost: Okay. Yeah!

[Cut to Samwell Tarly, Gilly and Colin Jost]

You know, at least you guys seem like a happy couple. You know, what’s a typical night like?

[Cut to Samwell Tarly and Gilly]

Gilly: Oh, yeah. We just hang around the house in each other’s arms. Like this.

[They start acting. They are sitting close and are scared.]

My baby!

Samwell Tarly: Shh!

Gilly: My baby!

Samwell Tarly: Quiet Gilly, they’ll hear you.

Gilly: Sam, my baby.

[they stop acting] [Cut to Colin Jost, Samwell Tarly and Gilly]

Colin Jost: Very, very sweet.

Gilly: Thank you.

Colin Jost: And now, what’s next for you guys?

Samwell Tarly: Oh, I’m glad you asked.

Gilly: Yeah, that’s a great question. Yeah.

Samwell Tarly and Gilly: Death!

Colin Jost: Okay. Great! Sam and Gilly everyone!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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