Weekend Update Two Girls You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation with at a Party

Michael Che

The girl… Cecily Strong

McKinsey… Reese Witherspoon

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: The San Francisco police department is reviewing thousand of cases to see if the arrest were racially bias. Here to comment on this delicate subject are two girls you wish you hadn’t started conversation with at a party.

[The girl and McKinsey slide in.]

The girl: Namaste, Michael. This is McKinsey. It’s my bestfriend.

McKinsey: And fingers crossed, her step mom.

Michael Che: And what do you guys think of this police review?

[Cut to The girl and McKinsey]

The girl: What do we think of about it? It’s irrashable!

McKinsey: It’s reprehendable.

The girl: We’re in– And what? We’re gonna put body cameras on cops now? Oh, like, we don’t watch enough TV already.

McKinsey: And it’s like, Bruce Jenner is allowed to be a transformer, but our climate’s aren’t allowed to change? That’s hippopotamus.

The girl: Michael, facts, one in five homeless people are actually millionaires and they don’t even know it.

McKinsey: So, if you see section, say something.

[phone vibrating. The girl checks her phone.]

The girl: Oh, your phone.

McKinsey: Oh, yeah. It’s Tiger Woods.

[Cut to Michael Che, The girl and McKinsey]

Michael Che: Okay, can we please focus here?

The girl: Fine! [looking away] Amber!

McKinsey: Amber! Over here!

Michael Che: Who are you talking to?

The girl: Our other friend Amber.

[Cut to The girl and McKinsey]

McKinsey: Yeah, we couldn’t find her earlier so we put out and Amber alert.

[Cut to Michael Che, The girl and McKinsey]

Michael Che: Okay. That is not what that’s for.

The girl: Quick, Michael. Who are you voting for in 2016 election?

Michael Che: Well, it’s pretty early but–

The girl: I’m voting for the Sudan. Oh, but I’m sure Hillary Clinton is starving kids too.

Michael Che: Okay, look.

McKinsey: Shh! Shh! Wait! We wanna show you a new game, Michael.

[Cut to The girl and McKinsey]

The girl: Okay. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

[The girl has scissors and McKinsey had rock.] [Cut to Michael Che, The girl and McKinsey]

Who won?

Michael Che: Well, rock beats scissors. So…

[Cut to The girl and McKinsey]

McKinsey: Wrong. Justice…

The girl: Ties with peace.

McKinsey: So, the only loser here…

The girl: Is the children…

McKinsey: And the future.

The girl: And you, Michael.

[Cut to Michael Che, The girl and McKinsey]

McKinsey: Oh, wait! Tiger’s downstairs girl. We gotta go.

Michael Che: Alright. Two girls out of party, everyone.

McKinsey: Amber!

The girl: Amber!

McKinsey: Amber! Don’t die!