Willie… Kenan Thompson[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Well, it’s finally spring. And I for one, have not been in the best spirits. But here to cheer me up is the most optimistic guy I know, Willie.[Willie slides in] [cheers and applause]
Willie: Ay! Well, happy spring time, everybody! It’s my favorite season. Sun is out. The birds are chirping. It’s so nice, I wouldn’t sleep in doors even if I could.
Michael Che: Well, you have to sleep in doors? I mean outdoors?
Willie: I’ll get to it, Michael. Also, I have to. Coz it’s like they always say, “You gave your money to a conman, Willie.”
Michael Che: That’s not cheering me up, Willie. I’m sorry.
Willie: Oh, come on, Michael! Spring time is the best time. Easter will be here soon. [Cut to Willie] Reminds of me when I was a little boy looking for chocolate eggs around the house. I can still hear my grandma saying, “Get out that damn litter box, Willie.”[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]
Michael Che: That’s disgusting.
Willie: Oh, come on! Little cat doukie can’t hurt you.
Michael Che: Yeah, man! It can.
Willie: But it’s baseball season, Michael!
Michael Che: What?[Cut to Willie]
Willie: Takes me back to when I was 6 years old. And my daddy took me down to Yankee stadium for my first ball game. I was so excited. He looked me and said, “Son, look at that in the field. That’s Micky Mantle. He’s sleeping with your mother and I’m gonna shoot him.”[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]
Michael Che: These are terrible memories, man!
Willie: Oh, but that’s the point, Michael.
Michael Che: What is? How is that the point?
Willie: Spring is about new beginnings. A fresh start. Rebirth!
Michael Che: Okay.
Willie: You know who loved spring? My old dog Lucias.
Michael Che: Oh no.
Willie: I had let him off the lease and he just ran as far as he could. I can still hear his barking getting thinner and thinner as those wolves dragged him off into the woods. But it’s like they always say, “Wolves raped your dog again, Willie.”[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]
Michael Che: Willie, so none of these memories bum you out?
Willie: Well, I wouldn’t say that. Spring time does make me feel a little lonely. I do miss my wife.
Michael Che: Oh, I’m sorry, man.
Willie: It’s my own fault. [Cut to Willie] I bet she’d still be with me today if I had just listened when she said, “Hit the brakes, Willie!” But, you know what, Michael? It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to never wanna drag race.
Michael Che: Hey, man! If you ever get too lonely, you can always call me.[Cut to Willie crying] Willie: Friendship is the most important thing in the world to me. Coz it’s like I always say, “There ain’t no god!” [Cut to Willie and Michael Che]
Michael Che: Willie, everybody.
Willie: That’s me. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight!