Karen Domineau… Aidy Bryant
Marion Cotillard… Cecily Strong
Keira Knightley… Margot Robbie
Lupita Nyong’o… Sasheer Zamata
Debette Goldry… Kate McKinnon[Starts with 2016 New York Film Festival: Women’s Round Table video bumper] [Cut to five women sitting at a round table.]
Karen Domineau: Hello and welcome to the 2016 New York Film Festival Actress Round Table. Now, today our topic is women in Hollywood and Hollywood in women. Joining me are some of the industry’s leaders. To my left, Academy Award winner, Marion Cotillard.
Marion Cotillard: Bonjour, Thank you.
Karen Domineau: Star of the imitation game, Keira Knightley.
Keira Knightley: Thank you. Actually, so great to be here supporting my fiml.
Karen Domineau: And her film ‘Queen of Katwe’ is in theatres now, Ms. Lupita Nyong’o.
Lupita Nyong’o: Thank you for having me.
Karen Domineau: And we are thrilled to have with us today, a Hollywood legend whose career spans eight decades. She has worked with Humphrey Bogart, Cecil B. DeMille and Alfred Hitchcock to name a few, the great Debette Goldry.
Debette Goldry: It’s a pleasure to be aiive.
Karen Domineau: Well, let’s get started now. As women, what are some of the unique challenged you’ve faced in your film careers.[Cut to Marion Cotillard and Keira Knightley]
Keira Knightley: Well, the roles just aren’t there. I mean, everyone wants to cast you as the girlfriend, mother, beautiful girlfriend, beautiful mother.
Lupita Nyong’o: Exactly. Everyone asks, “What are you wearing?” But nobody asks, “What are you thinking?”
Debette Goldry: Yeah. Everyone who gives you drugs to wake you up, drugs to sleep.[Cut to everybody]
Karen Domineau: I’m sorry. What?[Cut to 5]
Debette Goldry: Well, um, back at MGM they’d give me opioid injections in my toes to keep my quiet between takes. And then, they have a little man run over to give me a shot of enfilmin to say my line. “Stop hitting me with that shovel, Clark Gable.” You know. And then, what? More opiuim. You girls tell me what it is.[Cut to Keira Knightley]
Keira Knightley: No, we don’t. Is that it? The thing that happened?[Cut to 5]
Debette Goldry: Well, sweetheart, with opium, you never really know, do you?
Karen Domineau: Um, Debette brings up a good point. Though, have there been moments where you’ve felt you’ve been treated differently because you are a woman?[Cut to Lupita Nyong’o and 5]
Lupita Nyong’o: Oh, of course. I’ve had so many meetings where the men hit on me. It’s so disgraceful.
Debette Goldry: Ah! I gotta agree with little Peter No-no over here. I once had an audition where the producer said, “Have sex with me and you’ll get the part.”
Lupita Nyong’o: Oh my god! What did you do?
Debette Goldry: I had sex with him and he gave me the part. It was a fair trade.
Karen Domineau: Okay, um, let’s pivot a little. Right? Women in this industry are often not paid as much as the men. So, how have you managed to advocate for yourself financially?[Cut to Keira Knightley]
Keira Knightley: I’m so glad you brought this up because yeah, I’m able to get 5 million now, but before I–[Cut to 5]
Debette Goldry: [interrupting] $5 million! Wow! Wow! No, then they used to pay me in broaches. They had it in my contract that I had to entertain our troops for free. And I went and I got over there, I found out it was for the other side. Long story short, I ended up flapping my toots for a bunch of crowds. But that’s Hollywood baby![Cut to Keira Knightley]
Keira Knightley: Wait, you, um, you stripped for Nazis?[Cut to 5]
Debette Goldry: I did what I had to do to support our boys.
Marion Cotillard: I’m sorry, I would like to say something.
Karen Domineau: Okay. Thank god.[Cut to Marion Cotillard]
Marion Cotillard: It will pay for the actresses is part of the solution, but the main thing we need is more women writing the parts.[Cut to 5]
Debette Goldry: Women writers? You’d have to teach them how to read. They actually tried to teach me how to read once by putting peanut butter in my mouth, and then they remembered that’s how you make it look like a horse is talking. So they gave the part to a horse.[Cut to 5 and Karen Domineau]
Karen Domineau: I don’t even know where to begin responding to that.
Debette Goldry: [looking at Lupita Nyong’o] Well, to answer your question little Peter, I did wind up pregnant.
Karen Domineau: Okay, she didn’t ask that, neither did I.
Debette Goldry: And to cover it up, they force me to marry a chimp. I said to them, I don’t want that thing pumping around on top of me but turns out, okay, the chimp was homosexual. So, we lived a very peaceful life together. Best friends. But then, the little baboon ran off with my broaches. Man!
Karen Domineau: Okay! That’s all the time we have.
Debette Goldry: Wait, I know what that means. Alright, your crowds get to kick while they can.[5 slowly opens her jacket.] [The End]