Adam Driver Monologue


Adam Driver

Taran Killam

Bobby Moynihan

Leslie Jones

[Starts with SNL monologue intro.] [band is playing music one the stage]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Driver.

[Adam Driver walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Adam Driver: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Before we start, just wanna say, congratulations Arizona cardinals. Welcome to the first show of 2016. Right now, it’s happening. I’m in a movie called Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Please, please, please go see it. If this one does well, it might make another. I’m so fortunate to be a part of such an illustrious franchise. Especially since I’ve been acting for only few years. Before that, I was in the military and I was very intimidating. We have a photo I think, to prove it.

[Cut to Adam Driver’s photo in a military uniform.] [Cut to Adam Driver]

Back when the marines were accepting 12 year olds. But it really is an honor to be in Star Wars. Never, never ever will you find a more devoted fan base. They’re very intense.

[Taran walks in]

Taran: [laughing] I know. Star Wars fans, ridiculous, right? Quick question… [Taran pulls out his lightsaber] What happens in the next film, Adam?

Adam Driver: You know I can’t tell you that. They won’t even tell me that.

Taran: Oh, you can’t tell me coz the audience is here, right? Okay. I’m gonna ask you at the after party though.

Adam Driver: No, you won’t.

[Taran turns his lightsaber off and walks away]

I’ve been dealing with this all week.

[Bobby Moynihan walks in with his Kylo Ren’s mask on]

Hey, Bobby.

Bobby Moynihan: Oh, come on! It could be Kenan! Come on, it could be Kenan in here.

Adam Driver: It’s not Kenan. It’s Bobby. Where did you find that suit?

Bobby Moynihan: I made it.

Adam Driver: How much did that cost you?

Bobby Moynihan: $6,500.

Adam Driver: Bobby, take off the mask.

[Bobby Moynihan takes the mask off. He is wearing a wig.]

Bobby Moynihan: Okay. Sorry.

Adam Driver: Is that a wig?

Bobby Moynihan: Yeah. It’s a wig. The wig was 800 bucks. Listen, I gotta know what happens to Kylo Ren, man. Does he die? Please, just tell me.

Adam Driver: Alright fine, I die.

Bobby Moynihan: Oh, no!

Adam Driver: But, my friends put sunglasses on me and I pretend I’m alive all weekend.

Bobby Moynihan: Oh my god, it’s perfect!

[Leslie walks in]

Leslie: Leave this man alone!

Adam Driver: Okay, what is your Star Wars question?

Leslie: Man, I ain’t see Star Wars. I wanna know why you weren’t in Martian with Matt Damon. Because y’all was the bomb in Goodwill Hunt.

Adam Driver: Leslie, how many times do I have to tell you, I’m Adam Driver, not Minnie Driver.

Leslie: Oh! You’re Adam Driver. Well I don’t know what the internet is talking about coz you are fine! Bobby got a picture of you up his bed.

Bobby Moynihan: Pop-pop-pop-pop! Come on, hey! We’ve got a great show tonight, okay? Adam Driver is here.

Adam Driver: Chris Stapleton here. We’ll be right back.

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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