Jasmine… Cecily Strong
Aladin… Adam Driver
Leslie Jones
Beck Bennett
[Starts with Jasmine and Aladin flying over the clouds on the magic carpet]
Jasmine: Aladin, we’re so high up. I’ve never flown on a magic carpet before.
Aladin: It’s beautiful, isn’t it? But not as beautiful as you.
[singing] I can show you the world
shining, shimmering, splendid
tell me princess now when did you last let your heart decide?
Jasmine: A whole new world
a new fantasy point of view
Jasmine and Aladin: No one to tell us no or where to go
[a bird comes flying to Jasmine and dies in her hands]
Aladin: I really like you Jasmine. You’re different. Do you like meat.
Jasmine: Yes, I do. I’m sorry. Some kind of fat bird just hit my mouth. I need a minute.
Aladin: You’ll be alright, Jasmine. You’re safe with me. Just look how far we can see
Jasmine: Yeah, fish and it’s peak. Just, slow down a little. Okay? Like, I’m still into it. Just that was a lot.
Aladin: [singing] A whole new world
a dazzling place you never knew
Jasmine: But when I’m way up here, it’s crystal clear
Jasmine and Aladin: That now I’m in a whole new world with you.
[a missile falls on Aladin’s head]
Jasmine: Oh, bomb, bomb, bomb! There’s a bomb.
Aladin: Oh, shoot! We must be over Syria.
Jasmine: Oh! I think I pissed my little thing I’m wearing.
Aladin: You’re not sorry you came with me, are you?
Jasmine: Oh, no, no, no. This is magical.
Aladin: [singing] I can open your eyes
take you wonder by wonder
over sideways and under
on a magic carpet ride
Jasmine and Aladin: A whole new world
a new fantasy point of view
no one to tell us no or where to go
[gross liquid thing pours on Jasmine]
Jasmine: No! No! No! What just happened?
Aladin: [looking above] Oh, I think an airplane just emptied it’s toilet in the sky.
Jasmine: Um, Aladin, take me back to the palace.
Aladin: Wait, quiet. Something’s wrong with the carpet. I’ve gotta make some fast decisions now.
Jasmine: What’s going on?
Aladin: We’re losing altitude. I gonna try to put it down at that air-force space.
[Cut to Leslie and Beck at the base. They’re wearing military dresses.]
Leslie: Did you taste Charice’s cookies that she brought to the airport?
[Beck nods his head]
Now, a lot of people don’t like hard cookies. You know what I mean–
Beck: Hey, hang on Chris. We’ve got a distress call coming in.
[Cut to Jasmine and Aladin. Aladin is wearing a headphone.]
Aladin: May-day. May-day. Requesting emergency landing.
[Cut to Leslie and Beck]
Leslie: I see you pilot. You are clear for landing.
Beck: This is gonna be nuts.
Leslie: God be with them.
[Cut to Jasmine and Aladin landing at the air-base]
[Cut to Leslie and Beck]
Leslie: They did it. They landed.
Beck: And look, they’re in love.
[Cut to Jasmine and Aladin]
Aladin: [singing] A whole new world
that’s where we’ll be
a wondrous place
Jasmine and Aladin: For you and me…
[Cut to Leslie and Beck looking at Jasmine and Aladin. Beck tries to kiss Leslie.]
Leslie: I am married!
Beck: How come you never talk about it then?
[The End]
