Kate Bolduan… Kate McKinnon
Scottie Nell Nughes… Cecily Strong
Donald Trump… Darrell Hammond
[Starts with At This Hour intro]
[Cut to Kate in her set]
Kate: Welcome back. Thank you. Welcome back to At This Hour. I am Kate Bolduan. I’ve got the brain for MSNBC but the hair for FOX News. So here I am at CNN. It’s been another bad week for Donald Trump with women. Joining me to talk about it from the tea-party news network is Donald Trump defender, Scottie Nell Nughes.
[Cut to Scottie in her set]
Scottie: Hi Kate. As a woman I like Donald Trump but as a full blown nut job, I freaking love him.
[Cut to split screen]
Kate: But as a woman, how can you keep defending Mr. Trump? He retweeted a sexist, unflattering photo of Ted Curz’s wife.
Scottie: Okay. So, no– So, okay– So, no– [Cut to Scottie] So actually, so that was an accident okay? Coz Donald’s are just so big, he can’t see every little tweet his fingers retweet. I mean, his hands are this big. Flaccid!
[Cut to split screen]
Kate: That’s your actual answer?
Scottie: That is what I have picked. Yes. And let’s not forget, Heidi Cruz is no angel. She has been arrested.
Kate: That’s not true.
Scottie: Yes, it is. Donald told me she is so fat, she was arrested for having 10 pounds of crack.
Kate: I believe that’s a ‘yo mama’ joke. Alright, let’s just move on. Donald Trump also said that women who get abortions should be ‘punished’. How do you defend that?
[Cut to Scottie]
Scottie: Okay. Okay. So, no– So, okay– So, what that is is was Donald was just making an April fools joke coz it was April fools.
[Cut to split screen]
Kate: Said that on March 30th.
Scottie: [laughing] And that is why it is so funny. I mean, Kate, of course Donald loves women. He is a father to a woman.
Kate: Okay, well, we actually have a clip of Donald talking about his daughter from a rally this morning. Let’s watch.
[Cut to Donald Trump’s speech]
Donald Trump: I just gotta say, isn’t my daughter Ivanka the best? She’s so smart, so talented, and what a rack! And she just had a baby. So can you imagine that rack now? It is just tremendous.
[Cut to Kate and Scottie]
Kate: Ew!
Scottie: No. Okay, no– So, that was beautiful. You’re just trying to work it but is it worth it? You put his thing down, flipped it and reversed it.
Kate: What?
Scottie: At least Donald is talking about women. I mean he is creating a dialog about women.
Kate: Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya. Let’s go back to that rally and check in on that dialog.
[Cut to Donald Trump]
Donald Trump: When I say ‘women’, you say ‘suck’. Women.
Public: Suck!
Donald Trump: Women.
Public: Suck!
[Cut to Kate and Scottie]
Scottie: Okay, well, some women do suck, okay? What about Casey Anthony? Are you telling me Casey Anthony does not suck? Coz I am close friends with her and she is always late. She sucks!
Kate: Okay, well Scottie, I don’t know how you’re gonna be able to defend this next thing.
Scottie: I’ll be able to.
Kate: But there has been a lot of violence at Trump’s rallies recently. His campaign manager was arrested for assaulting a woman. A young girl was pepper sprayed.
Scottie: Donald Trump does not personally condone violence.
Kate: Really? Okay, well let’s just randomly see what’s happening right now at his rally.
[Cut to Donald Trump punching a guy in his face several times]
Guy: [yelling] I am voting for you!
[Donald Trump punches him few more times]
[Cut to Kate and Scottie]
Scottie: Okay. Clearly, that man had a bee on his face and Donald was just trying to punch his off for him. 10 times.
Kate: Really, Scottie? A bee? Now we’re talking about a bee?
Scottie: Yeah, we sure are. You can’t break me Kate, because I’m crazy. And crazy don’t break. And Kate, I know that you agree with me on three things when it comes to Trump. One, he is drop dead gorgeous.
Kate: No.
Scottie: Two, he is bringing trade back so we can make American grapes again.
Kate: That’s not– That’s so wrong.
Scottie: And three, he is way better than Ted Cruz.
Kate: Okay, yes. That I do agree. And…
Kate and Scottie: Live from New York, it’s Saturday night!
[The End]
