Steve Harvey… Kenan Thompson
Kellyanne Conway… Kate McKinnon
Ivanka Trump… Margot Robbie
Chris Christie… Bobby Moynihan
Vladimir Putin… Beck Bennett
Bill Clinton… Darrell Hammond
Sarah Silverman… Melissa Villaseñor
Lin-Manuel Miranda… Cecily Strong
Bernie Sanders… Larry David
Announcer: It’s time to play Family Feud: Political Edition. And here’s your host, Steve Harvey.[Cut to Steve Harvey walking in to the stage] [cheers and applause]
Steve Harvey: Okay. Okay now. Okay. Welcome to Family Feud: Political Edition. We back from a two week break. I was out getting my teeth enlarged. Okay, today we got a big old rivalry. We got team Hillary Clinton taking on team Donald Trump. And on the Trump side, we got Trump campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway.[Cut to Kellyanne Conway]
Kellyanne Conway: Thanks. Thank you. Thank you for having us on Jeopardy.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Huh? This is Family Feud.[Cut to Kellyanne Conway]
peaker Kellyanne Conway: Yeah, okay. So this is Jeopardy and if you look at all the signs and you are Alex Trebek, but let’s talk about the real Jeopardy which is the situation Hillary Clinton put us in taking money from Saudi princes and everyone here on Wheel Fortune can see that.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: I’ve seen you on TV. You always look like the last 10 minutes of prom. Okay, next we got Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka trump.
Ivanka Trump: What a pleasure it is to be here Steve. This is fun. I love fun. Everyday I schedule 20 minutes of fun.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Oh, you sexy. Yeah. I know that might sound inappropriate, but if your daddy can say it, so can I. Next up, we got governor Chris Christie.[Cut to Chris Christie]
Chris Christie: Hey, jersey strong, Steve.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Man, why you still with Trump? Is he gonna appoint you to a cabinet position or something?[Cut to Chris Christie]
Chris Christie: Um, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Oh![Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Too easy. And finally on team Trump, oh my god, it’s Vladimir Putin.
Man! Are you and Trump actually friends?
Vladimir Putin: [Russian accent] Kind of. We are Facebook friends.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Oh! You creepy. Last week, I had a nightmare about you.[Cut to Vladimir Putin]
Vladimir Putin: Ha-ha-ha. I know![gives Steve Harvey creepy look] [Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Let’s go to the Hillary Clinton side. First, we got my main man, Bill Clinton.
Bill Clinton: Hello Steve. I… love… the Feud.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Okay now, you sure you okay with Hillary being president instead of you?[Cut to Bill Clinton]
Bill Clinton: I mean, I can’t wait. Believe you me, I freaking love the White House. I mean, you know, I can hangout there, you know, no presidential stuff to do. Red phone rings and I just say, “Hey, you take that one, honey! I’ll be downstairs watching… The Police Academy.”[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Okay, next up, we got comedian and Hillary Clinton supporter, Sarah Silverman.[Cut to Sarah Silverman]
Sarah Silverman: Oh my god! We might be electing the first woman president. I feel so much pride from my head to my vagina. [laughing] [Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Oh, you that nasty kind of adorable. And next, we got Hamilton creator and number one rapper on PBS, Lin-Manuel Miranda.
Lin-Manuel Miranda: Steve, when you’re asking for words is, my mind starts going with the couple of verses, not versus as in the left and the right, it’s the right and the wrong that keeps me up at night.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Was there a beat that I didn’t hear? No? Okay! Finally, we got senator Bernie Sanders.[Cut to Bernie Sanders]
Bernie Sanders: Yeah. Hello. Hello. Hello, Steve. When does this actually start? The whole thing is hellos. My grandmother can knit a sweater in that time.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Well, you out here supporting Hillary?[Cut to Bernie Sanders]
Bernie Sanders: Absolutely. Look, senator Clinton is the prune juice of this election. She might not seem that appetizing, but if you don’t take her now, you’re gonna be clogged with crap for a very long time.
Steve Harvey: Okay. Give me Kellyanne and give me Bernie. Let’s get up here and play the Feud.[Kellyanne Conway and Bernie Sanders walks to Steve Harvey at the stage] [Kellyanne Conway shakes hands with Bernie Sanders]
Kellyanne Conway: Thank you, senator.
Bernie Sanders: Yes, yes. The shake. Of course. Very important, the shake. Yes, yes.
Steve Harvey: Okay. 100 people surveyed, top five answers on the board. Name a reason people give for being late.[Kellyanne Conway hits the buzzer]
Kellyanne Conway: Okay, let’s see if I do not have an answer even though I did buzz in, um, so I’ll do what I usually do which is talk and talk until people forget the question and then I’m gonna make an insane claim about Hillary. Hillary Clinton is North Korean.
Steve Harvey: Okay then. Show me ‘A bunch of lies’.[wrong answer buzzer]
Oh, not up there. Bernie Sanders, a reason people give for being late.
Bernie Sanders: You need a reason why I’m late? Look at me. Everywhere I go, it looks like I just finished chasing a bus.
Steve Harvey: Okay. Show me ‘Looking like a Jewish weirdo’.[Right answer bell. The board shows ‘Missed the bus’.]
Hey! Number three answer. Okay, y’all wanna play or pass?[Cut to team Hillary]
All: Let’s play.[Cut to Steve Harvey, Kellyanne Conway and Bernie Sanders]
Bernie Sanders: You know what? We’ll get a pass.
Steve Harvey: But your team mates said they wanted to play.
Bernie Sanders: Yeah. Good for them. We’re gonna pass. It seems like a hassle.
Steve Harvey: Alright, let’s go to team Trump.[Steve Harvey and Kellyanne Conway walk to team Trump]
Okay, Ivanka Trump, what’s the reason people give for being late?
Ivanka Trump: What an interesting and wonderful question, Steve. May I ask my brothers for help?
Steve Harvey: They not here.[Cut to Ivanka Trump standing with a smile. Her brothers stand up. They were hiding behind her.]
Trump brothers: Yes, we are.
Steve Harvey: Oh! Who is this?
Donald Jr: I am Donald Jr., the brains.
Ivanka Trump: I’m Ivanka, the beauty.
Eric: And I’m Eric.
Steve Harvey: Okay. Show me ‘Children are the con’. [wrong answer buzzer] It’s not up there.
Trump brothers: Too bad.[Kellyanne Conway and the Trump brothers slowly get down and hide.]
Steve Harvey: Okay. Chris Christie. A reason people give for being late.
Chris Christie: Well, I’m late because I have been working very hard on behalf of Mr. Donald Trump.
Steve Harvey: OH, you really like him. You said some horrible things about him in the primaries though.
Chris Christie: It’s water on to the bridge. [hits the table] Dang, Christie! Come on![wrong answer buzzer]
Steve Harvey: Let’s just go over to Vladamir Putin.[Cut to Vladimir Putin. He is shirtless and is jacked.]
Yeah. Let’s not![wrong answer buzzer]
Okay, team Clinton, [Steve Harvey walks to team Clinton] it’s your chance to steal. Ivanka, what you doing over here?[Ivanka is talking with Bill Clinton]
Bill Clinton: We’re just getting acquainted.
Ivanka Trump: He is very nice.
Bill Clinton: [to Ivanka Trump] Do you like what wings? Really good wings?
Steve Harvey: William! William Jefferson Clinton. Alright everybody, give me some answers. Come on. Reason why people are late.
Bill Clinton: That’s my business.
Sarah Silverman: I was so high.
Lin-Manuel Miranda: Love is love is love is love.[Cut to Bernie Sanders and Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Okay, good answers there. Bernie Sanders, final guess. A reason why you’re late.
Bernie Sanders: Maybe you’re late because people like Jill Stein call you in the middle of the night asking you for advice. That woman drives me nuts. For someone who cares about the environment, she sure doesn’t mind asking people to throw their votes away, hah? Hah? Pretty clever. You didn’t know I was so clever, did you? Hah?
Steve Harvey: You got a lot on your mind. Show me bothered by Jill Stein.[right answer bell. The board shows ‘Bothered by Jill Stein’ as number one answer.]
Oh! Number one answer. Well, once again, Hillary getting that Hollywood money. We’re gonna go to commercial. [Cut to Steve Harvey] During this time, I stare at my shoes and I don’t talk to nobody. We’ll see ya’.[The End]