Principal… Bobby Moynihan
Thomas Dultan… Pete Davidson
Rooney… Kyle Mooney
Mr. Bunting… Fred Armisen
Kelaw… Beck Bennett
Jay Pharoah
Jon Rudnitsky
[Starts with Principal entering a classroom angrily]
Principal: Sit down! As you all know, Mr. Bunting will no longer be teaching here at Windermere. His unorthodox methods have done enough damage. As your principal, I’ll be taking over this class until the end of the year. Mr. Dultan, please tell me where you left off in the text book.
[Dultan doesn’t know]
Mr. Rooney, since Mr. Dultan cannot be bothered, where did you leave off?
Rooney: Well sir, we kind of skipped around a bit.
Principal: Fine! Then we will start from the beginning. Mr– [door knocking]
[Mr. Bunting enters]
Mr. Bunting: Excuse me. [Students look at Mr. Bunting] I came to collect my personals. Should I come back after class?
[The students seem upset]
Principal: Get them now, Mr. Bunting. Mr. Kelaw, continue. Please read from page one.
Kelaw: We have ripped out all the pages, sir.
[Kelaw shows the book. There aren’t any pages there.]
Jay: And turned them into hats.
[Jay shows the hat and puts it on his head]
Principal: Although, you can borrow mine. Now, read.
Kelaw: [reading] Poetry should not be fun. It should be oppressive and the reader should hate it. Poems are from hundred years ago. They were written by a bunch of dead men to punish children. [Mr. Bunting is walking with his belongings] The arts in general are for women and homosexuals. When you read a poem, you should never feel… emotion. In summary, poem stink.
[Thomas cannot help himself. He stands up.]
Thomas: Mr. Bunting, we didn’t want you to get fired. They made us sign that paper.
Principal: Sit down, Mr. Dultan.
Mr. Bunting: It’s okay, Thomas. It’s okay.
[Thomas sits down]
Principal: Leave, Mr. Bunting. Right now.
[As Mr. Bunting is walking out, Rooney stands on his desk.]
Rooney: I sing my song for all to hear.
Principal: Sit down this instant.
[Jay also stands on his desk]
Jay: I sing my song for all to hear.
Principal: I will have you both expelled if you do not sit down immediately.
[Jon stands on his desk]
Mr. Bunting, please!
Jon: I sing my song for all to hear.
[Kelaw stands on his desk]
Kelaw: I sing my song for all to hear.
[Mr. Bunting is looking at his students proudly.]
[Thomas also stands on his desk]
Thomas: I sing my song–
[Thomas’s head is chopped off by the ceiling fan.]
[All the students are terrified. There’s blood all over the classroom and everyone.]
[Everyone looks at Mr. Bunting]
Mr. Bunting: Alright, I’m gonna take off. You guys have my email and everything, right?
[No one answers. Mr. Bunting just leaves.]
[The End]
