Flirting at the bar

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Ronda Rousey

Kate McKinnon

Aidy Bryant

Jay Pharoah

Taran Killam

Beck Bennett

[Starts with three ladies walking to the bar at the club.]

Ronda: Three martinis please.

[Cut to three guys looking at the ladies] [Cut to the ladies]

Kate: Oh-oh! These guys were staring at you. [Cut to the guys walking towards the ladies] And I think they’re coming over here.

Jay: Yo, girl!

Taran: What’s up, girl?

Beck: Hello girl.

[Cut to the ladies]

Ronda: Sorry guys, we’re kind of just having girls night.

[Cut to the guys]

Jay: Oh! Well, that’s perfect.

Taran: Yeah, coz actually we was looking to have girls night too.

Beck: Ha-ha. TJ, he’s such a mac. We’re all macs. We’re all player macs actually.

[Cut to the ladies]

Ronda: Not interested.

[Cut to Taran]

Taran: No, no, no. We’re not checking to see if you’re interested. We’re checking to see if you all think you can handle us.

[Cut to the ladies]

Ronda: I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.

[Cut to the guys]

Jay: Oh really?

[music playing] [rapping] We won’t waste your time talking paper we stack in there
let us tell you about how we pack

Taran: Got a D so big you could ride it like a boat
throw it on the water, walk across it like a moat

Jay: I’ve even heard people say mine’s too much
I pulled it out my pants and I played double dutch

Taran: It’s no urban legend but take it from me
I let it sit shotgun, I can ride HOV

Beck: Don’t worry about mine I’ll go down on you

[Cut to the ladies looking confused] [Cut to the guys. Jay and Taran are looking at Beck disappointed]

Jay: Faster than the train, you know what? Speeding bullet
so black and big, it was raised by Sandara Bullock

Taran: I walk with three lights when I’m not ever trying
If you was pinocchio’s nose, you’d know he was lying

Beck: Whatever! I’ll just go down on you
And I don’t take my pants off!

[Cut to the ladies looking speechless at what Beck is saying] [Cut the guys]

Jay: You can get on the back and ride it like a rocket
it looked like an anaconda’s sticking out my pocket

Beck: Must be nice!

Taran: It stays hard like I keep it in the freezer
it leans to the left like the tower of Pisa

Beck: I’ll throw you on the bed, my pants are on
my shirt is on, my hat is on
my socks are on, my jacket’s on
blurred lines!

[Cut the the ladies shaking their heads]

Taran: I got more sausage than New Orleans got gumbo
When I pull down my pants, it looked just like Dumbo

Beck: When I pull down my pants, there’s another pair of pants
pants on, no negotiation!

Jay: Come on home with me, and I’ll break you off carpet
if my thing had a voice, it would sound like Mufasa

Beck: We’ve been doing all the talking let’s let her talk
like what’s your favorite passion and way to dance?
is it belly bottoms or the boogie-woogie?
or satin blows and cha-cha-cha

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy: You’re not even trying to rhyme.

[Cut to the guys]

Beck: I am trying!

Taran: Yo girl, want some good time? Come roll with me
coz my thing goes deeper than poetry

Jay: When they see it, they get show
wank to it and use it as a lasso

Beck: I got a great job. I’ll go down on you. What are we even– I don’t love it but I’ll do it!

[Cut to the guys nodding to the ladies] [Cut to the ladies]

Ronda: That was disgusting, immature and most of all, a bad rap.

[Beck walks forward and pushes Kate’s shoulder]

Beck:  absolutely disagree!

Jay: What are you doing, man?

Ronda: What the hell are you doing?

Beck: I barely pushed her.

[The ladies walk away]

I’m sorry.

[a girl walks by Beck]

I got a small penis but I’ll go down on you.

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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