Kenan Thompson
Pete Davidson
Brandon… Dave Chappelle
Andrew… Alex Moffat
Kyle Mooney
Mom… Leslie Jones
Andrea… Sasheer Zamata
[Starts with guys having a football party]
Kenan: Oh, damn! That was holding.
Pete: Yeah, call it back!
Brandon: Hell, no. That’s a touchdown, baby. Let’s go for two.
Andrew: Alright. Now we got a game on our hands.
Brandon: Yeah. You want some beers?
Andrew: Yeah, I’d do one.
Brandon: Alright. Hey, mama!
Andrew: Oh, does your mom live with you?
Brandon: No. I kind of live with her.
Pete: Ha-ha. What?
Kenan: She wash your drawers for you too?
[Brandon laughing sarcastically]
Brandon: No. I do that for myself.
Kyle: Guys, go easy. Sounds kind of nice.
[Mom walks in with some beers]
Mom: Hey, you boys. Brewskis!
Andrew: Alright, I guess I can see how you can get used to this.
Mom: So, you thirsty baby?
Brandon: Oh, hell yeah. I could drink something.
[Mom gets ready with a covering sheet to breastfeed Brandon]
No peeking fellas!
Pete: At what?
[Brandon gets inside the sheet]
Mom: Go ahead baby, get in there. Oh, that Cam Newton is something else!
Brandon: Ummm. What did I miss? Did he go for two?
[Brandon’s friends are shocked]
Kenan: Uh, what just transpired exactly?
Brandon: Um, I was thirsty so I had a drink.
Andrew: Um, Brandon, did you just breast-feed?
Brandon: Jealous? Breastfeeding is healthy for the mom and the baby.
Andrew: You’re 43!
Mom: But you’ll always be my baby.
Pete: Ha-ha. Gross!
Kyle: I don’t know. That’s probably he’s so jacked!
Brandon: Bingo. That’s exactly why I’m so jacked. Got any idea how many vitamins are in the elixir?
Mom: It’s nature’s most perfect food.
Brandon: Plus, it’s free as hell. As a matter of fact, mama, if you would?
[passes a small glass to Mom]
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Brandon: So, y’all been planning thanksgiving? You’re welcome to come here, I don’t know what you’re doing.
Kenan: Ah, I’m good.
Andrew: Yeah.
Kyle: I’ll be around.
[Mom passes the small glass filled with milk to Brandon]
Brandon: Ooh! Still warm. [Brandon takes a shot of that milk] What’s going on in the game?
Kyle: Um, they just recovered the onside kick.
Brandon: Hell yeah! Let’s go.
[microwave beeps.]
Mom: Oh, that will be the snacks, I’ll be right back.
Andrew: Um, Brandon, what’s the story here, man?
Brandon: The story? I’ll tell you the story, Andrew. I have never once had an ear infection. I have zero allergies. No respiratory illnesses or bout diarrhea. is that enough of a story for you?
[Mom walks in with five glasses of milk]
Mom: Alright. Fresh baked cookies and milk!
Pete: Um, I guess I’ll take a cookie.
Kyle: I’ll have some.
[Kyle drinks the milk]
Brandon: Not me guys. I’m gonna go straight to the source, excuse me.
[Brandon starts to breastfeed again]
Mom: Get your muscle milk. Easy Brandon, you getting a little toothy down there.
[Brandon gets out of the cover. He has milk all over his face.]
Brandon: Sorry about that mama.
[Awkward silence between friends]
That’s what I’m talking about. Ah! That’s the game. That’s the game.
[Andrea walks in]
Andrea: Brandon! What are you doing? You’re supposed to take me to work. I’m gonna bel late.
Brandon: Oh, hey guys, this is my sister Andrea.
Andrea: Hi. Now, let’s go.
Mom: No. Not before y’all eat something. Everybody in.
Brandon: Alright.
[Brandon and Andrea get into the cover for breastfeeding]
Brandon: Stop pushing, Andrea! God damn!
[the milk is spraying outside all over Brandon’s friends]
Andrea: You’re wasting it!
Andrew: Alright. Okay. I think it’s time for us to head out.
Kenan: Yeah.
Andrew: Thank you for having us. Alright.
[Kenan, Pete and Andrew head out]
Kyle: I might chill here for a bit if that’s cool.
