Aidy Bryant
Emma Stone
Beck Bennett
Mikey Day
Kyle Mooney
Kate McKinnon
[Starts with Woodbridge High School, Student Theatre Showcase intro]Aidy: Welcome everyone, to Woodbridge High School’s Student Theatre Showcase.
Emma: Written and directed by us. The students.
Aidy: And yes, it’s very hard for us to be up here doing theatre during this current political climate.
Emma: But now, more than ever, we artists cannot and will not be silenced.
Aidy: So without further due, please enjoy our show. Now more than ever, we artists cannot and will not be silenced.
[Music playing. The stage goes dark. Other showcase members walk in and set the stage] [The lights turn on]Kyle: We open on a very dark days to the world.
Beck: Okay Jews, let’s go.
[the actors are in line]Emma: Mommy, do we have to?
Kate: Yes, honey. That’s the rules of the holocaust.
Emma: Okay, mommy. And mommy, one more question, what year is it again?
Kate: Honey, you know what year it is. Its… 2017.
All: Surprise!
[Music playing. The stage goes dark. Other showcase members walk in and set the stage] [Cut to Kenan and Vanessa]Vanessa: Oh, my god!
Kenan: I always forget how bad these are.
Vanessa: Ah! That one kind of made a good point though.
Kenan: They can never know you said that.
[Cut to the stage. The lights turn on.]Aidy: Look, look, it’s Kylie Jenner.
All: Can I get a selfie? Can I get a Selfie?
Emma: Look, look, it’s Chris Hemsworth.
All: Can I get a selfie? Can I get a Selfie?
Mikey: Look, look, it’s …a scientist.
All: Ah, no thanks. Wow!
[Music playing. The stage goes dark. Other showcase members walk in and set the stage] [Cut to Kenan and Vanessa]Vanessa: Uh, the program says, “Tonight’s proceeds go to Standing Rock, let’s get those native Americans the pipeline they want.”
Kenan: Yeah. I don’t think they know what’s happening there.
[Cut to the stage. The lights turn on.] [The actors are speaking in foreign language]Emma: And scene. Excuse me, ma’am, could you understand that?
Vanessa: Um, no.
Emma: Is it because we were speaking Mandarin?
Vanessa: Um, yes.
Emma: And you only know English?
Vanessa: Um, yes.
All: Sad!
[Music playing. The stage goes dark. Other showcase members walk in and set the stage] [Cut to Kenan and Vanessa]Kenan: That was not Mandarin. I heard them say dog in Spanish a few times.
[Cut to the stage. The lights turn on.]Aidy: [coughing] Yep, you guessed it. I have AIDS. I used to be sad about my AIDS. I didn’t want AIDS. My AIDS made me feel less then. But now, I don’t let AIDS define me.
[Cut to Kenan and Vanessa]Vanessa: Oh, this one’s actually nice.
[Cut to the stage]Aidy: I’m okay with AIDS. I love my AIDS. I’m glad I have AIDS and I wish everyone in the world had AIDS. Because frankly, AIDS…
All: Rocks!
[Music playing. The stage goes dark. Other showcase members walk in and set the stage] [Cut to Kenan and Vanessa]Vanessa: That sort of became pro-getting-AIDS.
Kenan: Yeah, she over shot the runway at the end there.
[Cut to the stage. The lights turn on.]Beck: Hey guys, for this next part, we’re gonna do something really fun. We’ve been studying improv all semester. So, all we need is a word and we’ll use it to inform this next scene.
Kenan: Basketball.
Beck: Okay, basketball. Here we go.
Emma: Honey, why are you crying?
Kyle: A kid at school called me a fairy.
Emma: Ah! Don’t listen to him. it’s great to be gay. I love you no matter who you are.
Kyle: Thanks mom. That’s important for me to hear.
Emma: Of course. Now go wash up for dinner.
Kyle: What are we having?
Emma: Basketball!
[Music playing. The stage goes dark. Other showcase members walk in and set the stage] [Cut to Kenan and Vanessa]Kenan: That’s it?
Vanessa: I paid $1,000 for that improv class.
[Cut to the stage. The lights turn on.] [The actors are kissing each other]Kate: How about from now on, less shooting more kissing?
All: Black lives matter.
[Music playing. The stage goes dark. Other showcase members walk in and set the stage] [Cut to Kenan and Vanessa]Kenan: That was their Black Lives Matter scene?
Vanessa: I’m pretty sure they all just wanted to kiss each other and then made it about something.
[Cut to the stage. The lights turn on.] [The actors bow down]Emma: Thank you. That’s our show.
Aidy: And remember guys, don’t throw away your tickets, coz if you save them, you can frame them. Yes.
[The End]