Dante… Dave Chappelle
Benjamin… Mikey Day
Inspector… Kyle Mooney
Leslie: Listen up, Jheri’s Place staff. The health inspector is coming today and I need this place to be clean, understand? Because lately we’ve had a lot of complaints about hair in the food and that cannot happen.[Dante, Kenan and Aidy have long curly hair and they are spraying on it]
Dante: Oh, don’t even look at me Donnie. You know whose fault that is.
Kenan: Yeah, all signs pointing to Benjamin.
Aidy: What the hell, Benjamin?[Benjamin is looking at them confused. He has very short and well cut hair.]
Benjamin: What? Me?
Leslie: Let’s not point fingers.
Benjamin: I think it was Dante.
Dante: Excuse you. The only thing I’m doing is standing here looking so god damn beautiful.
Leslie: Oh, the health inspector is here.[Inspector walks in and he finds a bundle of hair.]
Inspector: [bad accent] Oh, oh. We are not off to a great start.
Leslie: Benjamin![Cut to Inside SNL video bumper] [Cut to Beck reporting the incident]
Beck Bennett: And that about does it for the Jheri’s place sketch here at Studio 8H. In a word, ‘ouch.’ A very thin premise beset by technical slip-ups and performance issues. Let’s now go live to the post-sketch conference and we start with a statement from Dave Chappelle.
Dave Chappelle: Um, hello. That was a tough one. But, you know, we’re going to keep out heads down and just look forward, keep moving on to the next sketch.
Alex: So, Dave, what do you think went wrong out there tonight?
Dave Chappelle: Well, for starters, it was the wigs, man. I think we relied on the wigs too much, you know. You got to realize a wig can’t carry in a tight sketch. I knew that, and I take responsibility for that.
Bobby: Okay, well, speaking of mistakes, Leslie, can you tell us what happened with your late line there?
Leslie Jones: I didn’t mess up.
Bobby: Okay, well, let’s take a look at the replay.[Cut to the replay where Leslie gets confused with her dialog in the middle] [Cut back to the conference]
Yeah, it really seems like you were having trouble with the cue cards there.
Leslie Jones: Alright, look. ‘SNL’ knew what they was getting into when they hired me, okay? You know what I’m saying? You’re talking cue cards right now? Really? We’re talking about cards? That’s not the sketch. You talking about cards? Man! Next question.
Alex: Kyle, you took a big swing with the accent right there. Tell me, what was going through your head?
Kyle Mooney: Um, I guess I just didn’t have it today.
Alex: Well, do you think you will find it for the remainder of the show?
Kyle Mooney: [bad accent] I don’t know, you– Nope! I don’t think so.
Bobby: Aidy, you were quoted earlier in the week as saying this sketch was a heater and was going to break the internet. Do you think either of those things came to pass?
Aidy Bryant: [staring at Bobby] Next question.
Alex: Dave, you’re a comedy legend, why this sketch?
Dave Chappelle: Man, the wig was funny, alright? I put it on, I really thought I was going to be the next David S. Pumpkins. Clearly I was wrong.
Mikey Day: Any questions for me? Mikey Day?
Bobby: No. Kenan, I have to ask, with all your experience on the show, could you have done anything to save this?
Kenan Thompson: Yo, I ain’t got time for this. I been on this show for 62 years. And you going to dwell on this? Come on, man! I got to go get ready for my Puerto Rican Peter Pan sketch. Yeah, yeah. You laughing New York, y’all can kiss my ass.[All the cast members leave]
Male voice: We’ll be back with more SNL.[The End]