John Cena
Santa… Bobby Moynihan
Leslie Jones
Kenan Thompson
[Starts with SNL monologue intro]
[Cut to SNL stage]
[Band is playing music]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, John Cena.
[John Cena walks in and to the stage]
[cheers and applause]
John Cena: Thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you very much. My name if John Cena and to those of you who voted for Hillary, I’m a wrestler. [crowd laughs late] Yeah, well, late bloomers but that’s okay. Normally on TV, you see me in the ring throwing down all the other WWE superstars, and I love it. But it’s exciting to get away for a week and do something a little different. And now, I’m gonna need someone to help me sing. Get out here, New York Santa!
[Bobby Moynihan in Santa outfit walks in]
Bobby Moynihan: Ho, ho, ho. I’m locking it.
John Cena: The normal Santa travels by a sleigh. [Bobby Moynihan starts opening his Santa costume] But the New York–
Bobby Moynihan: [interrupting] No! Cena! You think you can do comedy and wrestling? Well, two can play that game. Get ready to feel the pain of… The Waddler.
[Cut to intro video of The Waddler as a wrestler. John Cena’s entry music is playing.]
[Cut to the SNL stage. John Cena is on stage but Bobby Moynihan is standing very far.]
Bobby Moynihan: Yeah!
John Cena: How did you get over there?
Bobby Moynihan: I waddled! [running towards the stage] Oh! I’m coming for you, Cena.
John Cena: Okay, well you do.
Bobby Moynihan: Oh, I just move real weird. [moving around John Cena’s behind] What are you gonna do when The Waddler’s coming for you, Cena? Hun?
John Cena: [laughing] I mean, that’s actually really cool. Did you make that outfit?
Bobby Moynihan: I did.
John Cena: That’s– I actually think you could be a great WWE superstar.
Bobby Moynihan: Oh my god, wow. Um, thank you, John. You did not have to say that.
John Cena: Bring it in here, man!
Bobby Moynihan: Okay.
[John Cena and Bobby Moynihan hug each other. John Cena mistakenly breaks Bobby Moynihan’s bones while hugging.]
Ah! Okay! That’s a rib. That’s a full rack of ribs right there.
[Bobby Moynihan walks away limping]
John Cena: Okay. [music playing] The real New York Christmas.
[Cut to Leslie Jones a the back of the audience.]
Leslie Jones: [yelling] John Cena! You coming here to tell jokes on my turf? I’m bout to whoop your ass!
John Cena: Wait, what’s your wrestling character supposed to be?
Leslie Jones: Wrestling character? I’m Leslie Jones, bitch!
[Cut to intro video of Leslie Jones as a wrestler. John Cena’s entry music is playing.]
[Cut to SNL stage. Leslie Jones walks to John Cena]
Leslie Jones: That’s right and I’m bout to get in your– Ooh! [checking out John Cena’s body] Damn! Ooh! You is very fine. I did not know. Ooh, I can put my whole tongue in your chin nipple deep. [takes her card out of back pocket and gives it to John Cena] Just meet me at the hotel room, John.
[Leslie Jones walks away]
John Cena: Okay guys. This isn’t a challenge. [Kenan Thompson is sneaking behind John Cena with a steel chair] We’re in it together. I actually worked really hard on this song. Seriously. I spent all week writing with a couple of nerds, so please–
[Kenan hits John Cena with the chair. The chair breaks but John Cena doesn’t move at all.]
Kenan Thompson: Yeah! Got you, Cena!
John Cena: Alright! Alright. [John Cena opens his coat. He is wearing sleeveless shirt.] I’ve been trying to be nice to you guys all you wanna do is challenge me. So, if you really want some, come get some.
[Cut to John Cena’s intro video as a wrestler.]
[Cut to the SNL stage]
Kenan Thompson: Oh! I made a grand error in judgement.
John Cena: You can’t see me.
Kenan Thompson: [scared] Oh, I’m done with the flower.
[Kenan Thompson runs away]
John Cena: We have a great show for you tonight. Maren Morris is here. Stick around, we’ll be right back.
