Johnny Shadow


Chris Fitzpatrick… Kyle Mooney

Scott Thurman… Beck Bennett

C.C. Toxic… Brie Larson

[Starts with three band members recording themselves]

Chris: What’s up Kickstarter. I’m Chris Fitzpatrick.

Scott: I’m Scott Thurman.

C.C. Toxic: And I am C.C. Toxic. And we are…

All: Discree Annihilation.

Chris: Bitch!

[cut to video clips of their band playing metal music] [Cut back to the recording]

Chris: And we want you to donate $750,000 so we can record out 5 track debut E.P..

Scott: Put our worldwide tour.

C.C. Toxic: And produce our web exclusive feature length film…

All: Johnny Shadow.

Chris: So, who are we? Discreet Annihilation is a brand new band that was formed this summer. We are all whites but do black-style raps and combine it with actually good music like electric guitars. Scott’s dad used to be a train conductor. Boy does he got some stories to tell. Now, you might be saying…

C.C. Toxic: “We get it. You guys are definitely not corporate clones and you actually make good ass music. Did you say something about a movie?”

Scott: “Yeah! It’s called Johnny Shadow, right? Sounds revolutionary. What’s it all about?”

Chris: Johnny Shadow is about renegade living in a future society run by the evil Dr. Conformity. Most movies are boring, romantic little bitch, brainwash bubblegum. This movie’s different. Johnny is very creative with his lyrics, and he rides a blue motorcycle. What am I doing talking so much? Let’s watch the exclusive preview.

[Cut to the preview. Chris is being approached by the corporate music producers.] [Scott and C.C. Toxic wearing suits and mask]

C.C. Toxic: You must join us Mr. Shadow. Wear these named branded clothes and become a mainstream slave.

Chris: No way. I’ve got another idea.

[rock music playing] [Chris shoots the corporates with a machine gun]


[Scott and C.C. Toxic open their masks]

C.C. Toxic: [sigh] Thank you, Johnny. We’re not corporate drones anymore.

[Cut to video clips of police cars blowing up.] [Cut back to the recording]

Scott: And now for your da-da-da-da-Donation Rewards!

Chris: For $10, you’ll get a digital download of the album and we’ll post a picture of you on our band’s official Instagram account.

Scott: $25, you’ll get one of my hand-drawn funny cartoon character families. [showing the hand drawn picture] The Fooblers. Plus, the Instagram pic and digital download of our album.

C.C. Toxic: For a $1,000, you get the Fooblers drawing, the download Instagram tag and a Discreet Annihilation Identification card which allows you to fly yourself out and be our intern.

Chris: For $5,000, you get the ID card, the Fooblers drawing, the digital download, tagged Instagram, autographed baseball and [a picture of Chris on a dining table holding a rose appears] a dinner date with your’s truly. Hey, I don’t discriminate, except if you gotta be a skinny stripper.

Scott: And last but not least, as a contributor at our executive zombie level for $100,000, you’ll get the Fooblers, download, gram, baseball, snickers bar, ID, bandana, dinner date and we’ll send you a personalized rap ty C.C. Toxic using your name.

[Cut to C.C. Toxic’s rap]

C.C. Toxic: C. Tox coming after you, bout to attack you, Kevin!

[Cut to the recording]

Chris: Thank you. Maybe this will put you over the edge.

[Chris puts on the sun glasses]

Scott: What is that?

Chris: It’s Johnny Shadow.

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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