Kyle Mooney[Starts with Leslie Jones looking at other couples]
Leslie Jones narrating: If I’m being honest, it’s really hard for me to connect with guys, coz I kind of have a big personality. I’ve tried internet dating and you know, getting hooked up by my friends. Nobody never really wants to actually date me, you know. It hurts. I wanna be in love just like any other girl.[Cut to Aidy telling her story to Leslie Jones]
Aidy: The entire dinner was laid out with flowers. And I was like, “What is this for?” And he was like, “Just for you being you.”[Cut to Leslie Jones narrating]
Leslie Jones narrating: I was never the type of girl that really dated a lot. You know, I got my first boyfriend at 18. We were on and off for like, seventeen years. And haven’t fell in love with anybody since. And thsi job, it does not make it easy to meet men because I’m always working. It feels like the only men that I interact with is the ones that I work with you know? Sometimes it’s not a bad thing.[Cut to Leslie talking to someone]
Male voice: I just don’t want to be on camera, okay?
Leslie Jones: You’re not ashamed to be with me, are you?
Male voice: Of course not, Leslie. It’s just, I mean, we’re at work right now.
Leslie Jones: Come on baby, trust me.
Kyle Mooney: You know I can’t say no to that.
Kyle Mooney narrating: I guess you can say Leslie and I have been getting… closer this year.
Leslie Jones narrating: I like Kyle. He’s got this nerdy, goofy, cartoonish-type face. And he makes me feel really special. So…[Cut to Leslie Jones and Kyle Mooney]
Leslie Jones: You know, I was thinking like, maybe tonight we can take it to the next level?
Kyle Mooney: You know, I’ve never gone all the way.
Leslie Jones: You know I’m gonna take care of you.
Leslie Jones narrating: Kyle and I kind of have some different life experiences. Kyle’s never had sex before.[Cut to Lorne Michaels]
Lorne: I don’t normally get involved with cast relationships. But I think it’s important for Kyle to lose his virginity.[Cut to Kyle talking to Beck and Alex]
Beck: Are you and Leslie gonna, you know..
Alex: Oh, yeah. I heard about that.
Kyle Mooney: What? You told Alex?
Beck: Yeah, sorry, I told him.
Kyle Mooney: I don’t know, okay? Dont–
Beck: Sorry, I just didn’t think it was big of a deal.[Kyle Mooney walks away]
Kyle Mooney narrating: I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. I guess the only thing I really struggle with is… The Colin stuff.[Cut to video clips of Leslie flirting with Colin Jost on the show]
Why does everyone think that’s real? She’s just doing a character. It’s like entertainment, okay? I’m not doing this. I actually don’t want to do this anymore. [Kyle Mooney stands and throws away the microphone.
Leslie Jones narrating: Kyle has nothing to worry about. Me and Colin are strictly professional. [Kyle Mooney is peeking at Leslie and Colin working together] People make a big deal out of it but it’s truly just for the show.
Kyle Mooney: You little bitch.[Colin looks at Kyle Mooney]
Kyle Mooney: Nothing.[Cut to Leslie Jones and Kyle Mooney]
Leslie Jones: Don’t be like that.
Kyle Mooney: It’s just the whole world thinks you guys are together.
Leslie Jones: But you know that I don’t like him like that. It’s just for TV. [Leslie Jones gets on top of Kyle Mooney and starts undressing] And you know when the TVs come off, so does this.
Kyle Mooney: Tell me I’m not dreaming.
Leslie Jones: You are not.[Leslie Jones closes the door]
Kyle Mooney: Baby!
Leslie Jones: Ooh!
Kyle Mooney: Wow. That was amazing.
Leslie Jones: Yes. And I guess it’s safe to say that–[Dave Chappelle walks in]
Dave Chappelle: Excuse me. Sorry.[Leslie Jones and Kyle Mooney move and Dave Chappelle enters the room.]
God damn! Did ya’ll [bleep] in my dressing room?