Melissa McCarthy
[Starts with SNL monologue intro.] [band is playing music one the stage]Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Melissa McCarthy.
[Melissa McCarthy walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]Melissa McCarthy: Hi. Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh my goodness. This is so exciting. It’s Valentine’s Day show. It’s just… I have a little something unusual for you. I want everybody right now to look under their chair. Go ahead. Look under your chair. And if you anyone finds a glove, there’s one glove from this week. It’s like, caramely color. It’s a goodie and if you find it just give me a holla. It’s missing it’s sister.
I’ve been having just the most amazing week here. My whole family is here. I just finished a new movie called “The Boss” I did with my husband. We had a blast doing it. But I’ll tell you what. Honestly, all I can think about is the fact that I am hosting SNL for the fifth time tonight. Yeah. Which means I am officially now a member of the Five Timer’s club. But before they come out here and make a fuss to give me my Five Timer’s jacket, I just wanna say one little thing. Hit it!
[music playing] [singing] Never in my wildest dreams I ever expected to host a show five timesthey say five time’s a charm, I got a tattooed on my arm, 555
Backup singers: She was born… born to host five times
Melissa McCarthy: Born to host five times
Backup singers: She was born… born to host five times
Melissa McCarthy: I hosted five times
Five Timer’s club is mine
Backup singers: Five, five, five, five, five,
five, five, five, five, five
five, five, five, five, five
five, five, five, five, five
Kenan: Stop it! Can we stop? Melissa, you’ve only hosted four times.
Melissa McCarthy: No, that’s not true. Five, five, five, five, five.
Kenan: Can you put her down. No, please stop.
Melissa McCarthy: No, what?
Kenan: It’s only four. I googled it while I was backstage sweating in this foam ‘5’ costume that you made me wear.
[All the backup singers leave the stage]Melissa McCarthy: Wait a minute. No, no, no, no. That’s not right. Wait a minute. [counting] First one was 2011, 2013, 2014, tonight, last year was a 40th, you know, 40th anniversary special. That’s five.
Kenan: No. No. The 40th doesn’t count baby girl. That counts for like, 1/16th of a hosting. So, that’s like four and 1/16th.
Melissa McCarthy: [opens her glasses] So, am I not getting Five Timer’s jacket?
Kenan: No. But look, you get this. [hands over Melissa McCarthy a banana wearing a tiny suit.] That’s cool.
Melissa McCarthy: Oh! Yeah. It is cool Why is it on a banana?
Kenan: Well, just to show scale. There’s more here. Look at these. [hands over 4&1/16th glasses]
Melissa McCarthy: Okay, these are even bigger than the Five’s. Oh, and the banana. I mean, ou think about it, now I’m like at my own club have a 4&1/16er.
Kenan: Yeah. Now, sing the damn song.
[music playing] [Backup singers come in dancing]Melissa McCarthy: [singing] Tonight will still be fun because I’m hosting for the 4&1/16th times
It’s even better!
never felt quite so alive, tonight I’m gonna really dive 4&1/16th times
Backup singers: She’s hosting four, four, 4&1/16th times
Melissa McCarthy: We got a great show. Kanye West is here. So stick around. We’ll be right back.
