Mr. Buckley… Benedict Cumberbatch
Chad… Pete Davidson
Mikey Day[Starts with Mr. Buckley and Chad talking in the school office]
Mr. Buckley: You know, that’s alright. Um, I do think that is what they kind of intended. For instance, people who speak exist. You and I are speaking, therefore you and I…
Mr. Buckley: Congratulations. You just used your first Cartesian Logic.
Mr. Buckley: You know, I do hope you continue to drop by, Chad. I really quite enjoy our visits.
Chad: No thanks.
Mr. Buckley: Oh, I’m so sorry. Um, that was unbelievably inappropriate behavior Chad. I apologize. I just– I- I- I misread the moment.
Mr. Buckley: I mistook your frequent visits here to mean something more.
Chad: Oh, my bad.
Mr. Buckley: No, it’s not your fault at all. Truth be told, I’m not being myself up late. [Stands and walks looking away] And this weekend, I’m getting married to a beautiful young lady.
Chad: Oh, congrats.
Mr. Buckley: Yet, I feel nothing, Chad. Nothing!
Mr. Buckley: Oh, but that doesn’t matter because it’s all part of daddy’s master plan. You know, marry the rich girl from new port, become a professor and achieve 10 year by 40. God forbid! The great Lenard Buckley’s son should feel the love of another man![Mr. Buckley throws a globe away]
Chad: Another globe.
Mr. Buckley: I was drawn to you Chad because truth be told, I envy you. You’re a man who lives his life free from doubt and worry. I wanna be you Chad.
Mr. Buckley: Oh, my word. This is so pathetic. Look at me. I’m a 28 year old professor’s assistant pouring my heart out to a sophomore student. Am I boring you?
Chad: Kind of.
Mr. Buckley: [looking at the ceiling] Argh! You can of course leave at any time you wish and spare yourself my ramblings. Though, I have to admit having an ear to bend makes a welcome–[door closing sound] [Mr. Buckley looks around. Chad isn’t there.]
Chad?[Mr. Buckley runs out of his office]
Chad: Wad up?
Mr. Buckley: Would you mind just getting back here for a moment? There’s something else I wanted to say to you.
Chad: Oh, okay.[Chad skates towards Mr. Buckley’s office but he passes the door]
Mr. Buckley: Chad, you passed it.
Chad: Oh, my bad.
Mr. Buckley: Chad, I hopefully can forget about my brief lack of self control today.
Mr. Buckley: I truly hope that my actions haven’t tainted our friendship.
Chad: Ha-ha. Taint.
Mr. Buckley: And lastly Chad, I want to thank you because today you taught me. For a brief moment, I wasn’t spectator to my own life. I was living it.
Chad: [farts] Safety.
Mr. Buckley: You’re right, Chad. I should laugh more. Anyway, I’d appreciate if you kept what happened between us today a secret.
Chad: Okay.[Mikey walks in]
Mikey: Hey, Chad! What the hell? What’s taking so long?
Chad: Oh, I’m sorry. Mr. Buckley tried to kiss me.
Mikey: Okay! Are you hungry?
Chad: Uh-huh.[Chad and Mikey leave]
Mr. Buckley: You’re so right, Chad. I shouldn’t keep my secrets in the dark. Thank you Chad.[looking at Chad and Mikey skating on the streets. Chad falls over the garbage.]
Mr. Buckley: Thank you.