Politics Nation- Voter I.D. Disaster


Al Sharpton… Kenan Thompson

Cristie Jacobs… Sasheer Zamata

Charles Richards… Al Sharpton

[Starts with Al Sharpton in his set]

Al Sharpton: Good Sunday morning. I’m Reverend Al Sharpton. The New York primary is this Tuesday and states across the country has set up this voter ID laws. But it’s the real purpose to diss in french fries, people. Let’s talk about this.

[Cut to Politics Nation intro] [Cut to Al Sharpton]

Al Sharpton: Joining me now to talk about the new laws is a senior blogger for the Daily Kos, Craisty Jacobs.

[Cut to Christie Jacobs]

Christie Jacobs: Ah, hello Reverend. My name is Christie, not Craisty.

[Cut to split screen]

Al Sharpton: Not in my church. Now, is the real purpose of these ID laws to suplex– excuse me, suppress the minority vote?

Christie Jacobs: Absolutely. Why do they need IDs all of a sudden? Usually they just skip that step and say, “Ma’am, please step out of the vehicle.” They say that these laws will stop fraud. Is voter fraud that big of a problem in this country?

Al Sharpton: Sure it is. I have mothers calling me all the time, saying “Help me Reverend Sharpton. My son is out there on the streets committing voter fraud.”

Christie Jacobs: Really?

Al Sharpton: No. But thank you for joining us, Craisty Jacobs.

[Cut to Al Sharpton]

Now on to the democratic primary. Despite Bernie Sanders win this week in Wisconsin, it’s not secret that Hillary Clinton is raising nits– excuse me, resonating more with black voters. Here to give us some insight is my personal statistical analyst, Mr. Charles Richards.

[Charles Richards walks in the set]

Charles Richards: Good morning Reverend, please don’t take this the wrong way but I expected you to be a little skinnier. I know you work really hard to lose all that weight. It’s a shame to see that you seem to have gained it back.

Al Sharpton: Well, frankly Charles, I like myself this way. People say I look younger. Now, black vote is crucial this election. And you’ve created an algo… rhythm to show our community it’s meaning.

Charles Richards: That’s right. My algorithm is called the black approval rating scale. Each candidate gets a number between one and 10 based on their standing in the black community.

Al Sharpton: Okay then, let’s start with Hillary Clinton.

Charles Richards: Secretary Clinton gets a 7.2 rating with black voters because her husband is Bill Clinton, who despite recent outburst is beloved in the African American community.

Al Sharpton: Oh, absolutely. Bill Clinton could walk into the BET awards after party, sit at Rihanna’s table and order a bowl of Mac & Cheese and everybody would say, “That seems right.” What about Bernie Sanders?

Charles Richards: Senator Sanders gets a score of 6.3. Yes, he was active in the civil rights movement, but for some reason he seems like the kind of person who still calls Mohammad Ali, Cassius.

Al Sharpton: Absolutely. Also, he’s from Vermont. It’s a beautiful state but never has a black person said, “Hey, I got time off this weekend. Anybody want to go to Vermont?” Let’s go over to the republican side. How about Ted Cruz?

Charles Richards: Senator Cruz gets a 2.1 on the black approval scale rating, because look at him. You just know he’s up to something.

Al Sharpton: Indeed. He’s a sneaky little mouse. And how about Donald Trump?

Charles Richards: Come on now.

Al Sharpton: Come on now.

Charles Richards: Come on now.

Al Sharpton: Come on now.

Charles Richards: Right now, Donald Trump has a black approval rating of -1,048. But that could go down.

Al Sharpton: Absolutely. Black people should never trust a white person who’s hair is more processed than their’s. And how is Obama doing?

Charles Richards: Not bad. His numbers continue to rise. He was at 16. But he just went up to 22. I don’t even know what he did.

Al Sharpton: Well either way, it’s phantom nominal.

Charles Richards: It’s pronounced ‘phenomenal’. What’s going on with you today, Al? You’re usually a very smart person.

Al Sharpton: I don’t know. I think all this weight fluctuation is messing with my brain. Let’s take a break. More with Charles when we return to Politics Nation.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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