Jon Rudnitsky
Taran Killam
Kate McKinnon
Beck Bennett
[Starts with two couples waiting for their table in a restaurant] [Jon walks in]Jon: Please follow me. Your table is ready.
[As everyone walk towards the table, Ron stops.]Kate: You coming?
Ron: I’ll be there in a second. You go on ahead.
Kate: Okay.
[Beck is looking Ron from behind]Beck: Hey, man. Hurts to sit down?
Ron: Ah, yeah.
Beck: Burns?
Ron: Yeah.
Beck: You need to try this.
[Beck gives Ron a small package of gel]It’s a Preparation H Advanced Gel for fast acting relief.
Ron: And this stuff works?
Beck: Yeah. It works.
Male voice: Preparation H Advanced Gel offers maximum strength solutions fo all hemorrhoid symptoms. Don’t let pain stop you from being
[Cut to the two couple enjoying their meal at the table]Ron: So I loosen my tie, and now I am dancing with the mother of the bride.
[Everyone laughs] [Beck walks in]Beck: Hey, man. Did that stuff I gave you help your butt?
Ron: Excuse me?
Beck: The hemorrhoid cream I gave you at the bar. Did it end up helping your butt?
Ron: [whispering] What are you doing?
Beck: Your butt was on fire when we met.
[Beck walks away]Male voice: Preparation H Advanced Gel. Because you’re on the move and in the groove.
[Cut to Ron and Kate dancing]Kate: What’s got into you? I’ve never seen you dance before.
Ron: Well, you better get used to it coz I have a feeling I’m gonna be dancing a whole lot more from now on.
Beck: Hey, I’ve been looking all over for you. You need any more ass cream?
[Ron’s friends stop dancing and are looking at Ron]Ron: Dude, honestly get away from me.
Beck: I gave you a hot tip and you pretend like you don’t even know me? I saved your bacon, man! [Ron’s friends are looking at them and they are confused] Yeah Ron Head hemorrhoid problem, I do too. Bad. [Beck looks at the camera] That’s why I told Ron about Preparation H. [smiles]
Male voice: Preparation H, the re–
[Cut to Beck]Beck: Hey, Ron, come with me. I gotta put more cream on.
Ron: What?
Beck: I need you to stand in front of the bathroom door. There’s no lock on the door and a girl just walked in on me laying down on the ground with her legs over my head creaming up.
Ron: I am not doing that.
Beck: You’re my best friend.
Male voice: Preparation H. Hemorrhoids fade, friends are forever.
[Beck pulls Ron to the toilet]Beck: Come on. Stop crapping around.
