President Barbie

[Starts with three girls playing with their toys]

Female voice: You know our little girls can go as far as their imaginations will take them. Like outer space.

Girl: [holding a rocket toy] Left off!

Female voice: The streets of Paris.

Girl: Bonjour.

Female voice: Or a magical world they created all on their own.

Girl: This is how you get to the castle.

Female voice: And to show how just far we’ve come, Mattel is proud to introduce President Barbie. [The barbie is wearing blue suit and has hair like Hillary Clinton] The first barbie commander in chief.

Girl: Oh, neat.

[The girl looks at the barbie and puts it aside]

Female voice: Oh! Don’t you play with her? She’s a girl just like you.

Girl: Yeah, but girls don’t have to play with dolls. We can play with whatever we want.

Female voice: That’s true. You don’t have to play with dolls. But it would be great if you played with this doll right now.

Girl: I like legos.

Female voice: [mocking] I like legos. That’s what you sound like. Ooh! But look, president barbie even comes with accessories like sunglasses and a smart phone with Snapchat. Do you like her now? Huh? Do you?

Girl: Feels like she’s trying too hard.

Female voice: She is trying hard. Because there used to be a time where barbie couldn’t even be president.

Girl: I wasn’t alive then.

Female voice: Good for you.

Girl: I just don’t like her. She’s too stiff.

Female voice: I bet you would like president barbie if she smiled more too.

Girl: Yeah.

Female voice: Wow, you really don’t get it, do you?

Girl: Hey, do you know what would be fun? If we played with that old broom over there.

[The girls throw the barbie on the floor and starts playing with the broom]

Female voice: That is what they go with? Ah! We need to rethink this whole thing.

[Mom enters]

Mom: Hey, girls. Why aren’t you playing with President Barbie?

Girls: Coz we don’t have to.

Mom: Uh.

Female voice: President Barbie. No fun, definitely a president.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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