Al Michael… Beck Bennett
Chris Collinsworth… Adam Driver
Jared Schleff… Pete Davidson
Michelle Tafoya… Cecily Strong
Lucas Kavner… Kenan Thompson
Bruce Erin… Bobby Moynihan[Starts with Al and Chris in their set]
Al: We’re back with 4th quarter with Arizona leading Green Bay, 28-17. Al Michael here with you along with Chris Collinsworth. And this game has been a nightmare for the packers, Chris.
Chris: It really has. After losing their first three quarterbacks to injury, Green Bay has turned into a 4th string back who I’ve never heard of.[Cut to Jared smiling with his team jersey on.]
Al: Jared Schleff has not taken a snap for Green Bay all year. [Cut to Al and Chris] But here he is in the biggest game of the season.
Chris: Well, the playoff is certainly where you’ll find the most unlikely of heroes.
Al: Absolutely. Let’s go down to the field where Schleff is in the shotgun.[Cut to the ground. The game is on.]
He takes the snap.[Opponent player breaks Jared’s legs too.]
Oh my god!
Chris: Oh! Sweet mercy![Cut to Al and Chris]
Al: Um, folks. This is one of the worst injuries I’ve seen in my 40 year career.
Chris: That’s just devastating. I think watching that made me sick.
Al: Absolutely. No one should ever have to witness something that shocking. Let’s see it again.[Cut to slow motion video of Jared’s legs breaking.]
Oh my god!
Chris: I do pray for him. I do.
Al: Absolutely.[Cut to Al and Chris]
Chris: Let me assure all the viewers at home that we are not gonna subject you to that again… from that angle. This new angle is much better.
Oh, wow! That new angle makes me thing this is CGI or something. Legs don’t do that.
Al: Yeah. [Cut to Al and Chris] Let’s go to our sideline reporter Michelle Tafoya who’s with Packer’s team doctor Lucas Kavner.[Cut to Michelle and Lucas]
Michelle: Dr. Kavner, obviously a really tough injury for Schleff. Will be be back on the field?
Lucas: Well, it looked pretty bad but he’s a young man. I wouldn’t give up on him. I can’t diagnose it because I couldn’t really see what exactly happened.
Michelle: Oh, you know what? We have it right here.
Lucas: Oh, lord! Take my eyes.[Cut to Lucas]
Blind me lord! Oh, he’s done. He’s done forever.[Cut to Al and Chris]
Al: We’ll check in with Michelle in a little bit
Chris: Obviously, this is a full contact sport. But nobody should have to see something this gruesome and appalling. Luckily we’ll never have to watch that clip again.
Al: And the Arizona coach is asking to see the clip again. [Cut to Bruce] Looks like Bruce Erin has turned the challenge flag.
Chris: Oh, he believes that Schleff fumbled the ball.
Al: But did he? Let’s take a look.[Cut to slow motion video of Jared’s legs breaking.]
I think that’s a fumble.
Chris: Remember, the play is dead when the front of you knee toughes the ground.
Al: Sure, but what about the back of your knee?
Chris: I don’t know.
Al: In the meantime, let’s go back to Michelle who’s with Jared Schleff.[Cut to Jared, Michelle and Lucas]
Michelle: Um, Dr. Kavner is doing what he can for Schleff. He’s holding a bible. Now he’s pulled out a gun. He seems to be weighing his options. Back to you, Al.[Cut to Al and Chris]
Al: Okay. Let’s move on to something fun. Our AT&T fan pinion of the game. Tonight’s fan pinion is about… [Jared’s picture appears behind Al and Chris] Jared Schleff. What do you think was the worst part of Jared’s injury? Wast it! A, the nauseating reality that legs could bend like that. B, that sound, that terrible sound. Or, C, knowing that somewhere deep down, this is why you watch football. [Cut to Al and Chris] Text us your answers. We’ll have the results after this commercial. When we return, Green Bay finds another quarterback.
Chris: Looks like the coach is asking volunteers from the crowd. Big opportunity for the fans.
Al: Oh, wow![The End]