Russell Crowe Monologue


Russell Crowe

[Starts with SNL monologue intro.] [band is playing music one the stage]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Russell Crowe.

[Russell Crowe walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Russell Crowe: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s so great to finally be here hosting Saturday Night Live. My friends and family are watching the show from Sydney. They are 14 hours ahead and they’re already telling the show was great. I’ve got a new movie coming out, May 20th. It’s called Nice Guys. My co-star is a beautiful young woman name Ryan Gosling. Gosling actually inspired me to do this show. I watched him host in December and I was like, “Wow! Anyone can do that.” So, here I am. I feel very at home hosting Saturday Night Live because of course, of my very long career now in comedy. I’ve starred in so many historical movies over the years. Here’s a scene from one you may remember.

[Cut to a fight scene from the show ‘Spartacus’] [Cut back to Russell Crowe]

That cracks me up every time I see that because two swords, right? Could have got the job done with one. But I had to– I mean, you know. Not to mention, I was wearing a dress. Probably the funniest movie I did though was about this real goof bald teacher and his wacky ideas. I wanted to call it ‘The Nerdy Professor’. But that title was apparently taken. They went with ‘The Beautiful Mind’. There’s a great shuttle humor in there. Take a look.

[Cut to a scene from ‘The Beautiful Mind’ where he is reading the numbers at the board and making sense of it.] [Cut back to Russell Crowe]

Did you catch it? Did you see that one? Take another look. Take another look.

[Cut to the last number that he finds in the movie. The number is 80085, that reads like ‘Boobs’.] [Cut back to Russell Crowe]

That looks a lot like the word ‘boobs’. Right? Funny stuff, man! Funny stuff. You see, here’s the problem. Because I’m so well known for doing comedies, that even when I do a dramatic part, people still wanna laugh. What can I say, it is a gift.

We’ve got a great show for you tonight. The amazing Margo Price is here. So, stick around and we’ll be right back.

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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