Damien Knox… Beck Bennett
Rachel Bell… Cecily Strong
Tay-Tay Dubbs… Kenan Thompson
Yoet Klovok… Mikey Day
Bogdan Klovok… John Cena
[Starts with United States of Talent intro]
[Cut to Damien Knox and Rachel Bell at the stage]
Damien Knox: Welcome back to United States of Talent.
Rachel Bell: It’s time for our last act to take the stage and hope it’s blowing away our studio audience and our judge, entertainment industry professional, Tay-Tay Dubbs.
Tay-Tay Dubbs: Holla!
Damien Knox: Alright, let’s bring out our final act. Brothers Yoet and Bogdan Klovok and their act, The Mighty Owl.
[Yoet Klovok and Bogdan Klovok walk in with a big owl]
Yoet Klovok: Hello.
Rachel Bell: Now, guys, we are so excited to have you here. For years, you’ve wowed audiences all over Europe. But we understand this is your first time performing in six months.
Yoet Klovok: Um, that’s right. Six months ago our own Majesty flew head first into a stone wall.
Damien Knox: Oh, gosh!
Yoet Klovok: But vets were able to rebuild parts of his brain with healthy tissues from his intestines and rear end.
Bogdan Klovok: And now, Majesty has fully recovered in tip top shape. Right Majesty?
[owl growling]
Damien Knox: Well, good luck, boys.
Tay-Tay Dubbs: Alright, let’s see it, fellows.
Yoet Klovok: On our command, Majesty will fly from my arm and soar over you all.
Bogdan Klovok: Then, he will swoop through these hoops and retrieve this scroll from my mouth.
Yoet Klovok: Then he shall brave death by gliding through the ring of flame to deliver the scroll into that tiny mailbox.
[Tay-Tay Dubbs is holding a tiny mailbox]
Tay-Tay Dubbs: You sure that owl can do all that?
Yoet Klovok: Oh, Majesty will succeed because Majesty…
Yoet Klovok and Bogdan Klovok: [giving a pose] Is a mighty owl!
[the owl poops and pees on Yoet Klovok and Bogdan Klovok]
Yoet Klovok: Oh, god!
Bogdan Klovok: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Yoet Klovok: No, no, no, no. Majesty!
Bogdan Klovok: Disgusting! He pie-pied all over my show coat. Tell you, he’s not ready.
Yoet Klovok: He is!
Bogdan Klovok: Apology to you all. Majesty had a small issue. But now, behold the mighty owl.
[The own pukes all over Bogdan Klovok and Yoet Klovok’s faces.]
Yoet Klovok: No! No!
Bogdan Klovok: No, Majesty. Majesty!
Yoet Klovok: Majesty up. Majesty up.
Bogdan Klovok: He’s not ready.
Yoet Klovok: Thank you. And now you have experienced the Mighty owl.
Rachel Bell: Okay. The mighty owl with quite a performance. Bud did it fly with our judge? Tay-Tay.
Tay-Tay Dubbs: I mean, let’s just say it. Your owl is wack. Your owl is out of order. I mean you said it. It’s got ass in his brains. Well, it shows fellas. Tip-top shape? Don’t lie to a man. That owl is sick!
Yoet Klovok: Okay.
Bogdan Klovok: Okay.
Yoet Klovok: Right.
Damien Knox: Okay, any areas of improvement?
Tay-Tay Dubbs: Yeah. Get a new owl. Look, I work in Hollywood and that owl is not a star. That owl is and I can’t prove this, but I know it’s true, that owl is the worst owl in the world.
Bogdan Klovok: Thank you. Thank you.
Rachel Bell: Okay. Let’s bring out our other acts. Three incredibles acts. Which one will be leaving tonight? Will it be bling juggler Max Insight who Tay-Tay called the ninth wonder of the world?
Damien Knox: Will it be 17 year old opera prodigy Erika Le’Saw who Tay-Tay said would win it all?
Rachel Bell: Or will it be the Mighty Owl to which Tay-Tay said got ass in it’s brain.
Damien Knox: Three incredible acts and we’ll find out who is going home after the break.
[The End]
