Female voice: It’s thanksgiving, and as always, Target has your whole family covered. Whether you need festive home decor, last minute bakeware, or even a turkey. And if you’re home for the first time since the election, Target’s got what you need the most. A big empty parking lot you can just come sit in for a sec.[A woman pulls over at the parking lot and takes a deep breath.]
With over 500 beautiful empty spots as far as the eye can see, Target’s parking lot is the perfect place to stare out, band your head on your steering wheel, or text a friend “I honestly can’t with them today.” You can even put your seat all the way flat and then put it back up again. That took a couple of seconds. Or turn off your car’s ignition and just look at your breath for a while. And while you’re there, why not make eye contact with a stranger in another car? And without either of you saying a word, communicate the entire story of your day.
Wanna kill more time? Head inside. You can wander at clothes Aisle and think to yourself, “Oh, yeah, Masimo.” Plop down by our bras and add random numbers on your calculator. Or go to our toy section and just lay down back there. And here’s a tip, check out the play dough. Open the blue one, and surprise, we hid a flask in there for you. Bottoms up, girl. You deserve it. So this thanksgiving, tell your parents you’re going to brag something from Target real quick, come kick it, then go home and tell them they didn’t have it. It’ll be our little secret. Target. Buy yourself some time.
Target staff: You do have to pay for all this, though.