Amy… Vanessa Bayer
Michael Che[Starts with video clips of white people in their daily lives]
Male voice: For white people, it was just another great week. They never saw it coming. They had no warning. Then, the day before the Super Bowl… it happened.[Cut to news reports about Beyonce’s new music video release]
Female news anchor: Beyonce released a new music video that embraces her black heritage.
Male news anchor: Beyonce video is un-apologetically black.
Female news anchor: Tribute to the black lives matter movement. This is black like never before.
Terra: Honey, get in here.[Kyle runs in]
Kyle: What is it? What’s wrong?
Terra: I think Beyonce… is black.
Male voice: The day Beyonce turned black.[Cut to Cecily in her office]
Cecily: Guys, I don’t understand this new song.
Beck: Hot sauce in my bag swag? What does that mean?
Bobby: Maybe the song isn’t for us.
Cecily: [panicking] But usually everything is![Cut to the street at chaos]
Male voice: It was the day that shook the whole white world.[Amy and Sasheer are looking at the chaos]
Amy: We have to go. We have to leave America. Beyonce is black.
Sasheer: Amy, I am black.
Amy: What? No, you’re not. You’re like, my girl.
Sasheer: Yeah, but I can still be black. There’s black people all over the world. That guys is black.[Amy and Sasheer looks at Jay Pharoah]
Amy: Of course, I know he is black.[Cut to public in Time Square]
Kate: Beyonce is black? What about single ladies?
Kenan: She was black in that.
Kate: What about Irreplaceable?
Kenan: She was black in that too.
Kate: What about the Pink Panther movie?
Kenan: Okay, yes. She was white in that.
Male voice: It was the day white people lost their Beyonce.
Male news reporter: Getting word now that Beyonce isn’t the only black celebrity. Some are saying Kerry Washington may also be black.
Cecily: No, it can’t be. She’s not ABC.
Beck: I don’t understand. How can they be black? They are women!
Bobby: I think they might be both.
Beck: [screaming] Both? No![Cut to Jay and Michael looking at white people go crazy]
Jay: So, what’s going on out there?
Michael: New Beyonce video.
Male voice: It was the day they lost their damn white minds.[Terra is walking towards her daughter. Her daughter is looking out the window.]
Terra: Honey. What are you listening to?
Daughter: The new Beyonce song.[Her daughter turns around. She is black too.]
I really like it.
Terra: Oh, god! You’re black too?[Cut to Leslie standing behind Terra]
Leslie: Terra! That is my daughter. Your daughter is over there.[Terra’s daughter is reading a book on the bed. She is white.]
Remember? You invited us for play day?
Terra: Oh, that’s right. Thank god.
Leslie: Thank god? Really?
Male voice: The day Beyonce turned black. Rated NC-17 for white people and G for black people.[Cut to a white kid]
Kid: Mommy, is Taylor Swift still white?
Kate: I don’t know sweetheart. Just close your eyes and it will be over in the morning.[As her son sleeps, Kate is attempting to kill her son by suffocating him under a pillow.] [The End]