The Librarian

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Jeremy… Bobby Moynihan

Ms. Dodson… Margot Robbie

Kyle Mooney

Fishman… Kenan Thompson

Mikey Day

Alex Moffat

Cecily Strong

[Starts with Jeremy listening to the music staring at Ms. Dodson in the library. Ms. Dodson is a librarian.] [Kyle comes in and slaps on Jeremy’s forehead.]

Kyle: Snap out of it, you Donkes.

[Jeremy’s friends come to sit with him

Jeremy: Come on!

Fishman: Drooling over Ms. Dodson again?

Jeremy: Shut up, Fishman.

Mikey: I heard Ms. Dodson hooked up with a student once.

Jeremy: Oh, man! She’s so hot.

Kyle: [mocking] Oh, she’s so hot. You Donkes!

Jeremy: Come on, Nate! Don’t be an anus!

[Ms. Dodson slams a book on their table]

Ms. Dodson: Shh!

[Ms. Dodson turns around and walks back]

Jeremy: Whoa!

Alex: Ask her out, Jeremy!

Jeremy: No way.

Fishman: Ay, Ms. Dodson.

Jeremy: [whispering] Shut up!

Fishman: Jeremy thinks you’re hot.

[guys giggling]

Jeremy: Fishman, what are you doing?

Ms. Dodson: Is that true, Jeremy?

Jeremy: Um, no– it– no.  I’m– ugh! I mean, yeah.

[Ms. Dodson walks towards their table]

Ms. Dodson: Well, Jeremy, what are you gonna do about it?

[music starts playing] [Ms. Dodson takes off her glasses and opens her sweater.]

Jeremy: Oh yeah.

[She pulls her skirt up.]

Fishman: Oh yeah.

[She loosens her hair.]

Kyle: So beautiful.

[Ms. Dodson starts pulling her hair off]

Jeremy: Oh no!

[Ms. Dodson is bald.]

Mikey: Oh no.

[Ms. Dodson peels off a banana, throws the banana and eats the banana peel.]

Jeremy: Oh no.

[Ms. Dodson swallows the whole lollipop with the stick]

Kyle: Not the stick!

[Ms. Dodson takes her teeth off, her real teeth are disgusting.]

Fishman: What is happening?

[Ms. Dodson shows her tattoo of a student.]

Jeremy: Haley Joel Osment?

[Ms. Dodson shows another tattoo]

Mikey: Haley Joel Osment now?

[Cecily walks to Ms. Dodson and they start getting intimate] [Ms. Dodson breaks Cecily’s neck and smiles at boys]

Fishman: Straight up murderer?

[Ms. Dodson walks to the boys and gets on the table crawling towards Jeremy. She looks scary.] [Ms. Dodson has her tongue like snake, licking Jeremy on face.] [Ms. Dodson’s saliva drops on the table and the table is burning.] [Ms. Dodson slowling ripps off her shirt and shows her breasts.] [All the boys stare at her breasts]

Boys: Oh yeah.

[All boys’ heads pop bursts.]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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stephen e. hansen
stephen e. hansen
3 months ago

please more kissing!!!