Tortino’s Pizza Rolls

Vanessa Bayer

[Starts with six men watching the game and celebrating the scores]

Vanessa: My husband and his friends love to watch the big game. But all their cheering and shouting can make them pretty hungry.

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling]

That’s why I love Totino’s Pizza Rolls. The only game time snack that satisfies my hungry guys. And Tortino’s Pizza Rolls aren’t just delicious. They’re also easy to make. Simply–

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling]

Wow, there really is a lot happening fast in this big game. So this Super Bowl–

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling]

–why not treat your hungry guys–

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling]

–to the delicious taste of Tortino’s.

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling]

If they’re anything like my hungry guys–

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling]

–they’ll love these cheesy bites–

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling]

–more than their favorite team.

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling] [microwave sound] [Vanessa brings in the Tortino’s Pizza Rolls to the guys]

Guys, the Tortino’s are ready. Hope I’m not interrupting the big game.

[The guys are staring at the TV but the TV is off.]

There’s nothing on the TV. The screen is completely black.

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling]

Steven! What’s going on! What have you guys been shouting at this whole time?

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling] [Vanessa drops all the Tortino’s Pizza Rolls]

Okay, ha-ha. Very funny, Steven.

[Vanessa picks up scissors]

Cut it out!

[Vanessa’s husband and friends yelling]

Why are you doing this? Britney! Get in the car!

[Vanessa’s husband and friends shout and look at Vanessa. Their eyes are all black.]

What’s happening to my hungry guys?

[Cut to The X Files video bumper]

Male voice: The X Files, new episodes, Mondays at eight.