Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of a license plate at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Nebraska has canceled plans for a new license plate design of a man from his seeds after it was noted that the image was sexually suggestive. However, the new design of a man husking corn isn’t much better.
[Cut to Colin Jost. there’s a picture of inside the subway and a knife at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Police in New York are searching for a teenage girl who stabbed a 13-year-old boy on the subway after a friend of his called her ugly. So, let this be a lesson, kids. Ugly girls are crazy.
[Michael Che laughing]
[Picture changes to Villanova logo]
Congratulations to Villanova who won the NCAA championship game 77 to 74 beating North Carolina on a three-point shot at the buzzer. You know, I wonder if Charles Barkley had any money on the game.
[Cut to a video clip of Charles Barkley watching game and celebrating at the three-point shot at the buzzer. He is dancing and jumping.]
[Cut to Colin Jost.]
That is clearly the celebration of a man who just found out he gets to keep his thumbs.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Warner Brothers logo and cartoon character Speedy Gonzalez at right top corner.]
Michael Che: [laughing] Warner Brothers is reportedly working on a movie about Speedy Gonzalez. But before you get too excited, it’s called Speedy Gonzalez Vs Batman Vs Superman. So, it’s gonna be bad.
[Picture changes to Bill Clinton]
Bill Clinton was criticized this week for snapping at Black Lives Matter protestors at a Clinton rally in Philadelphia. And I understand where Bill’s coming from. I mean, he is defending his wife. It doesn’t matter how wrong she is. Coz Bill knows he’s still gonna take his black hands home. And if anybody should support their wife, it’s Bill Clinton. As much as Hillary has put up with, she should be able to fist fight a black baby on BET and Bill better say, “I support that woman.”
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a dog at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: The owners of an apartment complex in Michigan have all tenants to give DNA samples of their dogs so that they can determine who is not picking up after their pet. And after analyzing the DNA, it turned out the culprit was, well this is weird, OJ Simpson.
[Cut to Michael Che. there’s a picture of one hand climbing a rock and British flag.]
Michael Che: I don’t believe he did that either. A British woman with only one arm has become a competitive rock climber. She is known for her famous catch phrase, “Help! I’m falling!”
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of
Colin Jost: This week, Rob Kardashian got engaged to model Black Chyna. Incidentally, Black Chyna is also what my grandfather calls the movie ‘Rush Hour’.
[The End]
