Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of a KitKat at right top corner.]
Michael Che: A British woman is demanding a lifetime supply of KitKats after she bit into one of the candy bars and it didn’t have a wafer inside of it. And in response, KitKat has issued this statement.
[Picture changes to five KitKat bars arranged like showing a middle finger]
[Picture changes to Hellmann’s logo]
Hellmann’s has announced that it is releasing eggless vegan version of it’s mayonnaise. Hellmann’s is calling the product, Colin.
[Picture changes to Colin Jost]
[Cut to Colin Jost. There is picture of a bunch of pencils at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Uh, it’s his month.
Michael Che: Oh, man! That’s not nice dude! [laughing]
Colin Jost: A teenager in Nepal set a new world record by fitting more than a 130 pencils in his mouth, which is the same method they use to cast the latest season of the Bachelor. [Picture changes to TV show The Bachelor logo]
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of cheese at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Police in Wisconsin have uncovered more than $90,000 worth of stolen parmesan cheese. Apparently the thief was able to steal so much parmesan by never saying when.
[Picture changes to shredded cheese]
