Michael Che[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of Chipotle logo at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Every Chipotle in the country this week shut down for four hours to hold a company wide staff meeting about food safety. Meanwhile, Panda Express shut down for two hours to hold underground rat fights. [Picture changes to two rats and a man holding money.]
Michael Che: So much money on rat fight.
Colin Jost: A new survey lists the most romantic city in the country as Alexandria, Virginia, while the least romantic city is once again Flu Farts, Ohio.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of OJ Simpson at right top corner.]
Michael Che: The renowned doctor who discovered CTE in football players says that he is absolutely certain that OJ Simpson suffers from the condition. He believes OJ develops CTE due to repeated injuries he suffered while committing double murder.[Cut to Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: But do you get it?