Weekend Update 3


Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of a python at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Police in Florida arrested a man who tried to steal a baby python from a pet store by stuffing down his pants. But it’s not what you think. The man was just using the python to get rid of that gerbil in his ass.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Chinese flag and caduceus at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: It’s a good idea. A boy in China has been born with 31 fingers and toes. So, it’s safe to say he’s gonna be pretty good at math.

Michael Che: it’s safe to say it.

Colin Jost: [laughing] Some fans of the movie Frozen [picture changes to Elsa from the movie Frozen] have launched a hashtag campaign to get Disney to turn the character Elsa into a lesbian. While other fans have already done that [pointing to his brain] up here. And if this campaign works, it would make Elsa Disney’s first lesbian character… since I’m gonna say Ursula? [Picture changes to the Disney character Ursula] [Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Puerto Rican flag at right top corner.]

Michael Che: A report shows that Puerto Ricans are moving off the island in record numbers with an average of 230 leaving Puerto Rico a day. And somehow they all moved into the apartment above me.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Christian cross and Philadelphia map at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: A Philadelphia man who carries a cross and calls himself Jesus was arrested for trespassing. The man played not guilty to trespassing and also forgave those who trespassed against him. Christian!

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a cover photo of the movie Glory at right top corner.]

Michael Che: A teacher in Utah violated policy when he used the N word before showing his 8th grade class the civil war movie ‘Glory’. The teacher apologized explaining that at the time, he just couldn’t remember Denzel Washington’s name.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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