Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of a magazine with Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson on front page at right top corner.]
Michael Che: People magazine’s sexiest man alive is Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. Yeah. He once again beat his long time rival Dwayne ‘The Scissors’ Johnson. [Picture changes to The Rock with mustache]
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Barack Obama at left top corner.]
I am so proud of that joke. [laughing]
Colin Jost: President Obama this week criticized the spread of fake news on social media. But can we really trust a guy who is also a secret gay alien? [picture changes to a fake news article as ‘Obama is secret gay alien’.]
[Picture changes to a millipede]
Scientists have discovered a species of millipede that have four of it’s legs modified to act as penises. And we actually have some footage of the millipede. Let’s take a look.
[Cut to a video of millipede walking. There’s edited sound of a man saying “ouch, ouch, ouch” when the millipede is walking.]
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of New Balance logo at right top corner.]
Michael Che: A Neo-nazi group has declared New Balance, the official shoes of white people. But if New Balances are the official shoes of white people, then what are crocs?
[Picture changes to a horse and a lion]
A man on an African safari fell off a horse while being chased by a lion. “Well, that was a close one”, said the horse.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of tinder logo at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: The dating app tinder announced their new feature this week with give users 37 different gender identity options. It’s called, “Why democrats lost the election?”