Colin Jost
Deenie… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: The much talked about mini series, the People VS OJ Simpson end of this week, here with a wrap up is somebody’s mom, Deenie.
[Deenie slides in chewing something. She has food in the box she has in her hand.]
Hi Deenie, how are you?
Deenie: I’m sort of warm by my schoop neck. These lights are so hot. I’m sweating like a mouse at a cat show. Yikes! [looking at Colin Jost] Gosh, you look hunky tonight, huh? Wow, you look like, what’s his face? The guy on the show with the girl with the red bob.
Colin Jost: I– Thank you. [Deenie is eating] So, Deenie, do you wanna give us recap on the OJ mini series?
Deenie: Oh, yea, yea. [Cut to Deenie] I didn’t get through all of it yet coz I had to finish my subs first. Boy, are they ever getting good. Oh, man! Are you up to date? [Cut to Deenie and Colin Jost] Coz I don’t wanna spoil anything.
Colin Jost: No. No. I’m all behind.
[Cut to Deenie]
Deenie: Okay. So the whole family turned on mustache and he went to jail. And now red head is walking the fall out shelter with mustache’s twin brother no-mustache. But just when they were getting real cozy, it turned into the Nancy in funeral.
[Cut to Deenie and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: This was the soap opera?
Deenie: Yes.
Colin Jost: Okay. And then did you watch OJ?
Deenie: Oh, and then I was about to, [Cut to Deenie] but then I spilled tuna casserole on my freaking clicker. And it kept going through the People VS BJ Simpson. And I couldn’t get out of it.
[Cut to Deenie and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: And what happened then?
Deenie: Well, first off, [Cut to Deenie] two tan guy and dead eyes start a real show.
[Cut to Deenie and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Wait, wait. Hold on. So you just watched a porn?
Deenie: Well, I didn’t have my glasses on. But it sounded like someone was plunging a toilet and getting real fresh.
Colin Jost: Okay. What are you eating by the way? It looks like you’re really enjoying.
[Cut to Deenie]
Deenie: Yeah. It’s Brussel’s sprouts and imitation crab.
Colin Jost: Oh, it’s good combo.
Deenie: Brussel’s sprouts are a riot. Coz they smell like a fart but they actually tastes like a burp.
[Cut to Deenie and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: That’s a good–
Deenie: You want one?
Colin Jost: Oh, I shouldn’t.
Deenie: You want me to save you one or two of these stink-bumps so you can pop in during the commercial?
Colin Jost: Really cool, but thank you. That’s–
[Deenie puts a piece of her food on the table for Colin Jost]
So tempting but…
[Colin Jost picks the food up with his pen and throws it behind]
Deenie: Yeah, put it away. Save it.
Colin Jost: Yeah, I’ll save it.
Deenie: It’ll be good later.
Colin Jost: Thank you. Did you ever end up watching– [laughing] Did you ever end up watching OJ by the way?
Deenie: I was doing Thomas Kinkade puzzles of the light house at the same time. But I got the jisp.
Colin Jost: Well do you wanna give us the jisp?
Deenie: Yea, sure, sure. [Cut to Deenie] Okay, so I watch one where show me the money try down to glove the trunk and then curly head got really mad at black Mr. Clean. And then stunk hair from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. kept bringing up the Jews.
[Cut to Deenie and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: No, I think that was Robert Kardashian. And I think he was saying ‘Juice’.
Deenie: Oh, okay. [Cut to Deenie] Well, all I know is that I figured out who did it in the first five minutes. You’d have to be a dumb ass not to get that one.
Colin Jost: And what show are you gonna watch next?
[Cut to Deenie]
Deenie: I’m starting to watch that one with the dark hair and worry word and crazy hair and the woman who looks at all of them like she wants to hit them with her car.
[Cut to Deenie and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Ah, I’m gonna guess, Sienfield?
Deenie: No, the Election.
Colin Jost: Oh, the Election. Yea. Deenie, everyone.
[The End]
