Weekend Update Derek Zoolander and Hansel

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Colin Jost

Derek Zoolander… Ben Stiller

Hansel… Owen Wilson

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: This week was fashion week in New York city. Here to comment on the latest trends in men’s fashion, please welcome Derek Zoolander and Hansel.

[Derek Zoolander and Hansel slide in] [cheers and applause]

Wow. You know, I gotta say, you guys look really great.

Derek Zoolander: Oh, no.

Hansel: You don’t have to say that.

Colin Jost: And now, tell us, what’s the latest from Fashion Week?

Hansel: No, no. Listen Colin, we’re not here to talk about fashion. We’re here to talk about the one thing everyone wants to hear male models talk about. Politics.

Colin Jost: Okay. Well, what specifically about politics?

[Cut to Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Hansel: Fashion.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Colin Jost: Have you been following the current candidates?

Derek Zoolander: Well, as you know [Cut to Derek Zoolander and Hansel] they just held the Iowa Kus-kus. Which I skipped because I don’t need carbs.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Colin Jost: Well, the big story was that Hillary Clinton won in Iowa.

[Cut to Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Hansel: Well you know, Hillary is from the 90s which are very hot right now.

Derek Zoolander: So hot.

Hansel: They remade the X-files and full house and I don’t know if you saw this on the news Tuesday, but OJ Simpson killed again.

Derek Zoolander: Hillary style reminds me of one of my old time fashion icons. Kim Jong Un. Not to name drop but I’m pretty good friends with his sister, Kim Kardashi-Un.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Colin Jost: Alright, and what about Bernie Sanders?

Derek Zoolander: Bernie is the champion of the 99%. Apparently, the 99% off the JC Fendi.

Hansel: Yeah, look at that suit. Hey, Chernobyl called. They want their disaster back.

Derek Zoolander: Yeah. And then Chernobyl called back and they were like, “Look at that suit!”

Hansel: You know, Bernie is getting lots of young people to vote. But remember kids, voting can be dangerous. One time I was voting and suddenly the booth came in on me. And I was falling and falling into the swirling vortex of light when suddenly I realized, Hansel, haven’t you been drinking Ayahuasca for six straight days? And couldn’t some of this maybe be in your head? And it was. Turns out I can’t even vote. I’m a felon.

Derek Zoolander: Cool story Hansel. Next, we got Tom Cruise. [Cut to picture of Ted Cruz] He has totally let himself go. This is a real Mission Impossible for a stylist.

Hansel: Makes me wanna keep my eyes wide shut!

Derek Zoolander: Yeah. He should take his top gun and do some risky business with a cocktail. Jerry McGuire.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Colin Jost: Guys, that’s not Tom Cruise. It’s Ted Cruz with a Z.

[Cut to Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Derek Zoolander: Zed Cruz? That isn’t even a name.

Hansel: Come on, Colin. Take it easy.

Derek Zoolander: Yeah. Why don’t you pop a xanax and chill like your buddy Lester Holt!

[Cut to Michael Che.] [Cut to Colin Jost, Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Colin Jost: No, no. Alright, I hesitate to ask you guys this. What do you think of Trump?

Derek Zoolander: Oh, we love him.

[Cut to Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Hansel: OH yeah.

Derek Zoolander: Donnie’s just like us. He has the classic male model looks.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Derek Zoolander and Hansel]

Colin Jost: Male model like, you mean like, Lu Steel?

Derek Zoolander: Exactly. But Donnie had Orange Mocha Crapaccino. And this one’s called Hot Mess. And finally after Iowa, He’s got a new signature look, Second Place.

Colin Jost: Derek Zoolander and Hansel everyone. For Weekend Update I’m Colin Jost

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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