Laura Parsons… Vanessa Bayer
Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: It’s time once again for our news casts of Tomorrow segment, where a lucky kid joins me to read the news. Tonight we have the young actress who is in the upcoming Nickelodeon movie ‘The Lunch Bunch Detectives’, here’s Laura Parsons.[Laura slides in smiling]
Laura: Hello, Michael. It’s so great to be here.[singing] News, talking about news
Hey, Michael Che, did you hear today,
it’s all in the news
Michael Che: That’s so sweet. So what’s going on in the world this week, Laura?
Laura: Well, Michael, looks like Donald Trump is going to become the republican nominee for president.
Michael Che: That’s right. And frankly, some people are very upset about that.[Cut to Laura]
Laura: I’m not sure why. So many people like him. Like governor Rick Perry, Hulk Hogan, and [shouting] the KKK.
Michael Che: Okay. [Cut to Michael Che and Laura] Laura, do you know what the KKK is?
Laura: Um, little bit. I saw them on TV. [Cut to Laura] My mom says they wear their sheets all the time so they’re always ready for bad.[Cut to Michael Che and Laura]
Michael Che: Yes, that’s true.
Laura: [shouting] And they want everyone dead except whites.
Michael Che: Laura! I think that story is too adult for you.
Laura: Sorry Michael. [Cut to Laura] Like old man Cronkite used to say, “I don’t make the news. I just read it fellas.”
Michael Che: Okay, but Laura, don’t you have any stories that are more appropriate for you age group?
Laura: Oh, I know. Kids love apps. Personally, I love Candy Crush app. Sweet. [looks at Michael Che and smiles] [Cut to Laura] But studies have shown that apps like Tinder and Grindr have led to increased cases [shouting] of STDs.[Cut to Michael Che and Laura]
Michael Che: STDs? Where did you hear that?
Laura: I’m not sure. [Cut to Laura] I think STD stands for Seriously Terrible Dates, [screaming] because every one has herpes.[Cut to Michael Che and Laura]
Michael Che: Laura! Do you even know what herpes is?[Cut to Laura]
Laura: Sure do. It’s when your down stair says, “Ai-yai-yai.”
Michael Che: Okay, Laura, do you have any fun news?
Laura: How about this? KFC just released a nail polish that makes your fingers smell like chicken. Yum.
Michael Che: You see, now that’s a cute story.
Laura: Speaking of smelly fingers–
Michael Che: No! That’s enough. Thank you. You did a great job but I think it’s time for you to go.
Laura: Great job? Wow. Thanks Michael. [Cut to Laura] Guess I’m a hit.[singing] And that’s in the news. [Cut to Michael Che and Laura]
Michael Che: Laura, everybody.[The End]