Colin Jost
Olya Povlatsky… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Russia of course has played a large part in the US election this year with near constant accusations of hacking and cyber attacks. Here to commend from a remote village in Russia is Olya Povlatsky.
[Olya Povlatski slides in]
Olya Povlatski: Hey!
Colin Jost: Hi, Olya, it’s so good to see you.
Olya Povlatski: Look who it is, Mr. Colin Jost. Well, well, well.
Colin Jost: Well, well? What did I do?
Olya Povlatski: Nothing. I’m telling you where all my sisters died. Well, well, well.
Colin Jost: Oh, yeah. Now Olya, let’s just talk about some of this hacking that’s going on right now in Russia.
Olya Povlatski: Argh! These Russians, they love to hack, Colin. [Cut to Olya Povlatski] That’s why I have very strong password no one can guess, okay? It’s the noise I make every morning when I wake up. [Olya Povlatski makes groaning sound] But all the Os are zeros. Shh.
[Cut to Olya Povlatski and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: That’s really smart. That’s clever. Now, um, Russia has obviously been narrow mixed up in our election. Have you been following our election as result?
Olya Povlatski: Oh, yeah. Colin, I even– I watched the debate on Sunday.
Colin Jost: You watched the debate?
Olya Povlatski: Yes. [Cut to Olya Povlatski] I really– I related to this Hillary Clinton because I have also been attacked by a dog for 90 minutes. But, now we’re engaged. So you never know, you know?
[Cut to Olya Povlatski and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Wow. Congratulations.
Olya Povlatski: Thank you so much.
Colin Jost: Yeah. And did you see the video of Donald Trump with Billy Bush?
Olya Povlatski: Oh, yeah. Colin, that was so hard to watch the video. A whole bus for just two people? It’s a waste.
Colin Jost: Yeah. And now with all the stuff, all the tension between US and Russia, there’s talk that there could be a nuclear war. Does that worry you?
Olya Povlatski: I’m not worried, Colin. [Cut to Olya Povlatski] Everyday I do nuclear bomb drill. This is where I run into open field and I scream, “Come to me, bomb. Blow me up. Send me back to hell.
[Cut to Olya Povlatski and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Alright.
Olya Povlatski: That’s what I do.
Colin Jost: That’s what you do. What do you think about Russians hating– you know, Americans hating Russians right now?
Olya Povlatski: It’s nothing new, Colin. Okay? [Cut to Olya Povlatski] Look at your movies. We are always the villain. If you are in American movie and you have my accent, the only line you’ll ever get to say is this, “You have 24 hours.”
[Cut to Olya Povlatski and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Well, I love that movie. It’s a great movie.
Olya Povlatski: You lucky you’re cute. But not all Russians are pure evil, okay? [Cut to Olya Povlatski] Some of us just like to chill, kick back, you know, sing hottest new song in Russia.
[singing] A little bit of Monica by my side
A little bit of Monica on my right
A little bit of Monica on the roof
A little bit of Monica in the field
[Cut to Olya Povlatski and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: That’s actually not how that song goes.
Olya Povlatski: No. Yes, it is. [Cut to Olya Povlatski] In Russian version, Monica has been torn to pieces by ravens. And there is bits of Monica everywhere. This song is called lucky Monica.
[Cut to Olya Povlatski and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Lucky Monica. Okay. I gotta got to say. I can’t believe that life is actually that bad in Russia.
Olya Povlatski: You know what? You’re right. it’s not, Colin. There is good stuff in my life. I just got my first phone.
Colin Jost: Your first phone?
Olya Povlatski: Yes. It’s Samsung Galaxy 7.
Colin Jost: Oh! I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Samsung Galaxy, they’re being recalled because they’re actually exploding.
Olya Povlatski: Why do you think I sleep with it in my mouth, Colin?
Colin Jost: Olya Povlatski, everyone.
