Willie
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Winter is in full swing with the first snow storm of the season hitting the north east this weekend. And I for one am not thrilled about it. But here to cheer me up is the most optimistic guy I know, Willie.
[Willie slides in]
Willie: Ay! Well, happy blizzard, everybody! Don’t you just love it? I can’t wait to go home, wrap myself in a warm cozy blanket, grab a nice thick book and just start racking roaches.
Michael Che: Your apartment has that many roaches?
Willie: Well, squaders can’t be choosers, Michael! [Cut to Willie] It’s like the best removing crew said, “My god, there’s somebody alive in here.”
[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]
Michael Che: That’s terrible, dude!
Willie: But, what about all the fun things you can do with snow? The snow angels, making snow balls and all rock salts you can eat.
Michael Che: You eat rock salt?
Willie: We all eat rock salt Michael.
Michael Che: No we don’t, man. We don’t.
Willie: Are you sure?
Michael Che: How is this supposed to make me any better about the winter?
Willie: Well, sounds like somebody’s got the winter blues. [Cut to Willie] You know, whenever I get the winter blues and needs some cheering up, I like to dress up in a little doggie costume I made, and I volunteer down at the animal shelter.
Michael Che: That’s actually kind of sweet, man!
Willie: Well, it’s like they always say. “Nice try, but we’re not gonna put you down, Willie.”
[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]
Michael Che: Come on, man!
Willie: But you know who love blizzards? My old dog Lucias. [Cut to Willie] I remember one time, me and my brother took Lucias out on the frozen pond, but then the ice broke and I had to jump in the water and save old Lucias’s life. It’s like my mother always says, “You should have saved your brother, Willie.”
[Cut to Willie and Michael Che]
Michael Che: [laughing] Willie, everybody. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.
