Willie… Kenan Thompson
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Well, Thursday is Thanksgiving and I for one is really not looking forward to it. But here to cheer me up is the most optimistic guy I know, my neighbor Willie.
[Willie slides in]
Willie: Ay! Michael, how are you doing? Oh, I just love thanksgiving. My whole family getting together. Sitting around the table giving me ultimatum to quit drinking.
Michael Che: That sounds terrible.
[Cut to Willie]
Willie: Yeah. Family time is best part of thanksgiving, Michael. Reminds of me when I was a little boy. Me and my cousins going to our grandparents’ house, sneaking a sip of warm spicy cider from my grand daddy’s bedpan.
[Cut to Michael Che and Willie]
Michael Che: Dude!
Willie: And boy, do I miss my granny’s cooking. Oh, you would have loved her famous pecan pie. That crust was so b, pecan so juicy, you can barely taste the legs. [Cut to Willie] I can still hear my grandmama now yelling, “It’s roaches in the pie, Willie!”
[Cut to Michael Che and Willie]
Michael Che: That’s disgusting.
Willie: Oh? But don’t you love watching football on thanksgiving day, Michael? It reminds me of when I watched the game on TV with my daddy. [Cut to Willie] He pointed to the screen and he said, “Son, you see that man running with the ball? That’s OJ Simpson. He had sex with your mama and one day I’m gonna frame him for murder.”
[Cut to Michael Che and Willie]
Michael Che: Come on, man!
Willie: Well, I mean, sure! I may not live a life of luxury, maybe I don’t have a coat, or toenails, but I do have something that nobody could ever take away from me.
Michael Che: What’s that?
Willie: Outstanding warrants. Let me tell you, Michael, [Cut to Willie] I can’t wait to see that Macy’s parade again. You ever gone there as a kid?
Michael Che: I have actually.
Willie: You see all those big pretty balloons? I remember every thanksgiving, my uncle Joe would show me ‘Woody woodpecker’, and then he zip up his pants drive me down to the parade.
[Cut to Michael Che and Willie]
Michael Che: Yeah, man. I really can’t relate to any of those stuff, Willie.
Willie: Well, you know who really loves thanksgiving, my old dog Lucias. [Cut to Willie] Yeah, every year I take him down to the turkey farm to play with the turkeys. You should see, just wrestling and trolling, feathers flying everywhere, and if you listen real close, it almost sounds like old Lucias is definitely crying for help. For like they always say, Michael, “Those turkeys are running the train on your dog, Willie!”
[Cut to Michael Che and Willie]
Michael Che: My neighbor, Willie, everybody. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.
