Whiskers R WE

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Barbara Dedrew … Kate McKinnon

Tabbytha … Melissa McCarthy

[Starts with Whiskers R We commercial]

Tabbytha and Barbara: Cats.

Barbara: A cat is a ticket to fun.

Tabbytha: A cat is a dream come true with fur.

Barbara: A cat is an animal in your house that you’re okay with.

Tabbytha: Cats are you best friend best side of having a cat.

Barbara: So come on down for our valentine’s day cat giveaway.

Barbara and Tabbytha: Here at Whiskers R We.

Barbara: Hi, I am Barbara Dedrew.

Tabbytha: And I am Tybertha but I changed it to Tabbytha. Because of cats!

Barbara: You’re freaking nuts.

Tabbytha: Many of these rescue cats come from owners who didn’t value their specialness.

Barbara: So let’s take a look at today’s free lineup.

Tabbytha: Okay.

Barbara: Shall we? This is Riley. [pulls out a cat] She’s a millennial. She uses the twitter rocks . [laughing]

Tabbytha: But I think she’s a troll coz she fills it with crap. I said it, I don’t care.

Barbara: You’re a cornball.

Tabbytha: No, I’m a horn-ball.

Barbara: Cool it. We’re on camera. [pulls out another cat] Toby is a hairless cat. But he wasn’t born that way.

Tabbytha: I covered him with nair and ripped it all his hair. And now he’s got a bone to pick with me.

Barbara: He’ll thank you come swimsuit season.

Tabbytha: Oh! [pulls out another cat] Look who we have here. This is William.

Barbara: You should know. William hasn’t been nurtured yet so he still wears condom.

Tabbytha: He always leaves little wrappers everywhere like, we get it!.

Barbara: [pulls out another cat] This is sprinkles.

Tabbytha: Sprinkles has a sad history. He was involved in medical experimentation.

Barbara: He would put lipstick in rabbit’s eyes until they scream.

Tabbytha: Little jerk ass. He’s still nice to pet though.

[Tabbytha is touching Barbara’s breasts]

Barbara: Tabbytha, I put the cat down already and I think you know that.

Tabbytha: Well, I can’t help it.

Barbara: Please. We both know you’re just doing this to piss off your senator father.

Tabbytha: Well.

Barbara: [pulls out another cat] We call this cat OJ because he is orange like the Jews an murderer like the athlete.

Tabbytha: I’ve had him guilty of being adorable.

Barbara: And again, murder. [pulls out a dog on a cat costume] And this is Whiskers. I don’t know if you can tell, but Whiskers is a dog in a cat costume.

Tabbytha: We think it kind of misses down fire situation.

Barbara: He has to pretend to be a cat so he can see his kids. Anyway, come on down to Whiskers R We.

Tabbytha: Our policy is bring your bag and we’ll put a cat in it.

Barbara: Okay. Time to climb up in the scratching.

[Tabbytha carries Barbara]

Tabbytha: There we go.

Barbara: Happy valentine’s day.

[Cut to a picture Whiskers R We store]

Female voice: Whiskers R We, valentine’s cat giveaway. See you there!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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