Benedict Cumburbatch[Starts with GSN show schedule]
Male voice: You’re watching the Game Show Network. At five it’s ‘Gimme Gimme Da Money Please Please I Want Da Money Please’. But first, it’s time for America’s newest game show.[Cut to Beck Bennett walking in the stage]
Beck Bennett: Hello everyone. I’m your host Beck Bennett. And welcome to my brand new game show where I try to get to the bottom of something that’s been throwing me for a loop all week. Let’s meet today’s contestants.[Cut to Vanessa Bayer]
Vanessa Bayer: Um, hi. I am Vanessa Bayer and I’m here because you asked me to be.[Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Ah! That’s right. Contestant number two.[Cut to Aidy Bryant]
Aidy Bryant: Hi. I’m Aidy Bryant and Beck, what is this exactly?
Beck Bennett: You’ll see. Contestant number three.[Cut to Benedict Cumburbatch]
Benedict Cumburbatch: Hello. I’m Benedict Cumberbatch and I don’t remember this sketch at dress rehearsal.[Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Great. Thank you all for being here. And now it’s time to play ‘Why is Benedict Cumberbatch Hot?’[Cut to Benedict Cumburbatch]
Benedict Cumburbatch: Oh, Beck![Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Yeah, yeah. That’s right. Every girl in the cast has been so horny for this dude all week. So, as a guy I’m just kind of trying to figure that out. Alright, let’s get 30 seconds on the clock. Vanessa, tell me, why is Benedict Cumberbatch hot?[Cut to the contestants]
Vanessa Bayer: Like, right now? In front of him?
Beck Bennett: Yes, please.[Cut to Vanessa Bayer]
Vanessa Bayer: Okay. Well, it’s not like, his face per say. I mean it is. But it’s like– okay. It’s more like, um, the way his body and how he like– well– not his body body but like, this thing, when I see him, I just wanna like [screaming] “Uh!” and this just goes crazy.[buzzer sound] [Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Time’s up. And that was not answered, Vanessa.[Cut to Vanessa Bayer]
Vanessa Bayer: You didn’t let me finish. And I was a very close–
Benedict Cumburbatch: [interrupting] Vanessa, no![Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Okay. Aidy, you’re up. Explain to me, why is Benedict Cumberbatch hot?
Aidy Bryant: Okay, does my answer have to be in English?[Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Why?[Cut to Aidy Bryant]
Aidy Bryant: Because my feelings would be best described using a series of noises. Sort of like, ‘heh-heh-heh-, arrrrr, aoooh, god!’[buzzer sound] [Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Are we looking at the same dude? What the frick! Okay, Benedict, you’re up. 30 seconds on the clock. Tell me, why is Benedict Cumberbatch hot?[Cut to Benedict Cumburbatch]
Benedict Cumburbatch: What? Well, I mean, honestly I don’t know either. I mean, you know, some people say that I look a bit like hammer head shark.
Beck Bennett: Ha-ha. Yeah, yeah.
Benedict Cumburbatch: You know, a lizard man.
Beck Bennett: Also great.
Benedict Cumburbatch: And I sort of think I look a little bit like Sid the Sloth from Ice Age.
Beck Bennett: [laughing] Totally, you do.
Benedict Cumburbatch: But I guess it doesn’t really matter because Glamour magazine named me one of the sexiest man alive. So…[Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Alive? On the planet? What the… Oh! Oh! You know what? Wait. I think I figured it out. I just need to ask you a follow up question and I need to whisper it.[Beck Bennett walks to Benedict Cumburbatch and whispers in his ears]
Benedict Cumburbatch: No, I guess average sized.[whispers in his ears again]
Yeah, the balls too.
Beck Bennett: Dammit!
Hmm, okay. It’s time for round two. I’m gonna put a photos of Benedict next to someone we would say a more classically handsome American man. And you tell me who is hotter. Vanessa, is Benedict the hot one?[The game screen shows a photo of Benedict Cumberbatch laughing hard.]
Or… is it the smothering mystery man with the juicy, juicy pink lips?[A picture of Beck Bennett himself slides in the screen]
Those lips look pretty juicy.[Cut to Vanessa Bayer]
Vanessa Bayer: Um, it’s Benedict.
Beck Bennett: Okay, take your time.
Vanessa Bayer: I don’t want to. It’s Benedict.[buzzer sound] [Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Dammit Vanessa. Okay, Aidy, your turn. Who is hotter? Benedict, or this guy?[The game screen shows Benedict Cumberbatch’s funny looking photo and Beck Bennett’s photo of showing his muscles.] [Cut to Aidy Bryant]
Aidy Bryant: Okay, well, one guy is making kind of like a weird face. So, I’m gonna go with Benedict.[Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: What? But the other guy is the V. Look, he has got it.[Cut to Benedict Cumburbatch]
Benedict Cumburbatch: No, listen, Beck. I know it’s not my turn but I would say out of those two photographs, you have the hotter one.
Beck Bennett: What?
Benedict Cumburbatch: Yeah. It’s goofy in mine and you’re in shape and you look very handsome in your’s. You know?
Beck Bennett: I do?
Benedict Cumburbatch: Yeah. I mean, you’ve got nice abs and your skin looks good and smooth and even. You’re also funny and charming. It’s super nice, until this sketch. But you know, I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you this week and I hope we could do it again.[Cut to Beck Bennett all blushing]
Beck Bennett: Oh my god! Bennie! Wow, you are striking and charming. And when you look at me, I feel truly seen.[right answer bells]
Yes! Yes! I get it. I get why he’s hot. I win my own game. Join me next week for my new game show… ‘Am I hotter Than Kyle Mooney?’[Cut to Aidy Bryant]
Aidy Bryant: Um, no. Kyle is my number one.[Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: What? Really?