Lisa Broderick… Kate McKinnon
Jeremy Ganz… Bobby Moynihan
Bill… Pete Davidson[Starts with ad video bumper]
Female voice: [singing] Broderick and Gans, injury attorneys for you.[Cut to Lisa Broderick and Jeremy Ganz in their office]
Lisa Broderick: Hi, I’m Lisa Broderick.
Jeremy Ganz: And I’m Jeremy Ganz.
Lisa Broderick: Have you been injured in an accident? Talk to us. [Lisa Broderick and Jeremy Ganz pointing at the camera] We’ll get you the money you deserve.[Cut to Aziz]
Aziz: After my accident, Jeremy Ganz got me a settlement of $6,000.[Cut to Sasheer]
Sasheer: Lisa Broderick got me $1.7 million.[Cut to Melissa and Bill]
Bill: Thanks to Lisa Broderick, we were awarded $2 million.[Cut to Aziz]
Aziz: Wait. Those guys got how much?[Cut to Lisa Broderick and Jeremy Ganz]
Lisa Broderick: We’ve got your back. I Lisa Broderick have 14 years of law experience and I graduated top of my class at Yale.
Jeremy Ganz: And I am also a lawyer.[Cut to Sasheer]
Sasheer: I burned my tongue on hot coffee. Thanks to Lisa Broderick, I don’t have to work anymore.[Cut to Melissa and Bill]
Melissa: Bill sprained his ankle at the mall.
Bill: And now we’re set for life.[Cut to Aziz]
Aziz: Cement truck crashed into my living room and dumped cement all over me. I was trapped in concrete for three days. The firemen had to chisel me out. Now that I think about it, $6,000 seems pretty light given the severity of this accident. I’m not sure Ganz did a good job here.[Cut to Lisa Broderick and Jeremy Ganz]
Lisa Broderick: As a lawyer, I love having a personal connection with my clients.
Jeremy Ganz: My favorite part about being a lawyer is that there is a real live policemen in the courtroom. You can’t touch his gun, but you can see it.[Cut to Aziz]
Aziz: He did touch his gun. And it definitely affected the case.[Cut to Sasheer Zamata]
Sasheer: Lisa was smart, professional and answered all my questions.[Cut to Melissa and Bill]
Bill: Lisa came to our home every day and drove us to the courthouse.[Cut to Aziz]
Aziz: Dud! Ganz showed up to court an hour late, wearing two different New Balance sneakers. At one point, I’m pretty sure he called me ‘your honor’.
Jeremy Ganz: You know, people always ask us how in god’s name did you become partners?
Lisa Broderick: Well, I first me Jeremy Ganz when he generously gave my father his kidney.
Jeremy Ganz: And then she hired me when I gave her husband my other kidney.[Cut to Aziz]
Aziz: This guy is walking around with no kidneys? That explains why he kept going cross-eyed and blacking out.[Cut to Melissa and Bill]
Melissa: I guess you could say Lisa was a bulldog in the courtroom.
Aziz: One time after he blacked out, I had to present my own evidence. I had a video of the whole crash. But when I showed it in court, Ganz had recorded over it with his audition for that TV show ‘Naked and Afraid’.[Cut to Sasheer]
Sasheer: When Broderick gave her closing argument, the judge and jury actually applauded.[Cut to Aziz]
Aziz: After mine was over, Ganz followed back to my hotel and asked to borrow five of my $6,000. When I said no, he locked himself in my bathroom and called squatter’s rights. I had to hire another lawyer to evict him. I am in so much debt right now.[Cut to Lisa Broderick and Jeremy Ganz]
Lisa Broderick: At Broderick and Gans, we will never stop fighting… for you.
Jeremy Ganz: That’s right. And oh-oh, I’m blacking out!