Bar Centrale

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Candis… Aidy Bryant

Noal… Sasheer Zamata

Vanessa Bayer

Terry… Cecily Strong

Jode… Octavia Spencer

Waiter… Alex Moffat

[Starts with four ladies getting seats at a restaurant]

Candis: Oh, here’s an open table.

Noal: Perfect!

Vanessa: Let’s get out girl time on. I can only sneak off for two hours.

Terry: Hey, guys, I hope you don’t mind but I invited a new friend that y’all are gonna lose your damn minds over.

Candis: Oh, cool.

Terry: Yeah, yeah. She keeps it real and a hundred. Okay? You guys are gonna love her. Just keep your eyes open for her. She’s black. Oh, there she is. Girl! [calling] Girl, we over here.

[Jode walks in]

Jode: Hi. I’m Jode.

Terry: It’s that fierce B I’m telling you about.

Candis: Um, Jode?

Jode: Yeah, Jode. Sorry, I’m late. I was stuck at the CVS waiting for my prescription bra.

Terry: Ah! Prescription bra! Girl! [Terry is only the one who is over-excited] I should have known you’ve already been cracking me up. Didn’t I warn y’all? She’s crazy.

Noal: Okay. Yeah. Well, let’s just order some drinks and then try to figure out all that’s happening with you and her.

Terry: Oh, Jode, you’re ready to get your drink on?

Jode: Hell, yeah.

Candis: Oh, well, there’s out waiter. I’ll call him. Sir!

Terry: Oh, okay. Hot waiter with the beard. Guys, I cannot be responsible for what this B is about to say to this man.

[the waiter walks in]

Waiter: Ladies, welcome to Bar Centrale. I’m Nelson. How can I be of service tonight?

Terry: Oh, okay, Jode is about to slay. I know that look. You need to watch. You need to watch and learn.

Jode: Um, can I get a two liters of diet right. And can you let me know when the ladies’ room is completely empty? And then, when I go in there, would you put the ‘out of order’ sign on the door?

Terry: Word!

Waiter: Um, I’m gonna have to check my manager, but I will see what I can do for you. And the rest of you ladies, do you want some drinks?

Candis: Um, yeah. Can we just have a bottle of riesling?

Waiter: Absolutely.

Vanessa: So, Jode, what do you do?

Terry: Oh, besides giving zero f’s.

Jode: Um, I kill bugs for Orkin.

Terry: What? Girl. You are cracking me up talking about Orkin.

Candis: Um, Terry, I think that’s just where she works.

Terry: Candis, girl, jealous is not pretty on you. You know what I’m saying, Jode?

Jode: I got jealous once of my uncle’s haircut and I didn’t speak to him for a month. And then I realized I could get the same haircut, and I did. It’s this one on my head.

Terry: Now, that’s the damn truth. Right? Look at Noal all like, “The thirst is real?”

Noal: What? Jode, you seem nice. And I don’t mean to be rude, but Terry, I’m wondering if you’re putting things on this relationship that just aren’t there.

Terry: What?

Candis: Yeah, Terry. I think you got embarrassed about not knowing that February is Black History Month, and now you’re doing this.

Terry: Oh my–! Okay, are you even–! Jode, I’m sorry. We need to go dance because I am being trolled by these damn trolls.

Jode: Wait, Terry, were you using me to impress your friends?

Terry: Okay. [music playing in the background] Maybe it started that way. But the two days I’ve spent with you have really been special to me. And I really hope you’ll still consider being my friend, because you know how to have a damn good time.

Jode: You know what? I was using you too to impress my friends. And they think the crazy way you talk is funny. You sound like a teenager in a potato chips commercial.

Terry: Aw, girl. We played each other. But ended up BFFs.

Jode: Now, let’s show these bitches what true friendship is. [to waiter] Sir!

Waiter: Yes?

Jode: Can you play Mumbo Number Five by Lou Bega?

Waiter: For a couple of real friends who just taught us a lesson, of course.

[music playing] [Terry and Jode start dancing]

Noal: I guess we weren’t being very fair. They really are good friends.

Candis: Yeah. And look, Jode backed that waiter!

[Jode and Waiter are dancing and Terry is cheering for them]

Terry: Whoo! Get it girl! Right? Jode for the win. Candis, I know you’re watching this.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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