Dr. Waxler… Alec Baldwin
Beyoncé… Sasheer Zamata
Aidy Bryant
Babies… Kenan Thompson, Tracy Morgan
[Cut to a doctor confronting Beyoncé.]
Dr. Waxler: Let me just say, what an honor it is to be selected to deliver your twins. I’m Dr. Waxler and you of course are Beyoncé.
Beyoncé: Thank you.
Dr. Waxler: Um, can be honest? This is a big break for me. I haven’t hat a hit baby since Suri Cruise. Now, did our staff go over the birthing procedure?
Beyoncé: Yes, but I don’t need anything special.
Dr. Waxler: Of course. It’s all standard when the birthing commences, you won’t feel any pain. We have hired thsi woman to feel the pain for you.
[Aidy walks in]
Aidy: It is an honor.
[Aidy walks out]
Dr. Waxler: These babies are going to be beautiful. Now, let’s take a look inside your womb.
[Dr. Waxler starts using ultrasound scanning Beyoncé’s womb]
[Cut to inside Beyoncé’s womb. Tracy and Kenan are sitting on a couch wearing diapers. They have jewelry on their necks.]
Tracy: Damn, it is so nice in here.
Kenan: Yeah. It’s warm and cozy. I feel safe.
Tracy: It’s so spacious. There’s a recording studio in here. This place is special.
Kenan: Well, how do you know? You ain’t ever been anywhere else.
Tracy: I don’t know. I just feel like we’re different from other babies.
Kenan: Yeah, we different. You know who our mom is?
Tracy: No. But I think she’s important. When people meet her, they scream. So she is either a beautiful queen or a goblin.
Kenan: Yo, our mom is Beyoncé, man!
Tracy: Who’s that?
Kenan: Wow! I don’t even breathe yet and I know who Beyoncé is. Yo, she is the Queen Bee.
Tracy: Oh, yeah!
Kenan: Oh, she’s drinking some lemonade.
Tracy and Kenan: Yeah! Ha-ha-ha.
Kenan: Yo, I gotta get out of here. Come on, let me out. [starts kicking everywhere]
[Cut to Dr. Waxler and Beyoncé]
Beyoncé: Oh! Do you feel that?
Dr. Waxler: Oh, that one’s strong.
[Cut to Tracy and Kenan]
Tracy: Let me try that. Let me try that. [starts kicking everywhere]
[Cut to Dr. Waxler and Beyoncé]
Dr. Waxler: [feeling the kick] Now, that one is not an athlete but he will be hilarious.
Beyoncé: Are they okay?
Dr. Waxler: Oh, yes. Your babies are both healthy. it might be too early to tell, but I think these babies came to slay.
[Cut to Tracy and Kenan]
Kenan: I just feel like I’m more like my dad’s kid. You know? Hard.
Tracy: Yeah. I’m definitely my mom’s kid because I am pure sex. I’m gonna be the first person ever who’s gonna get somebody pregnant while they’re inside somebody pregnant.
I’m old school. I don’t pull out. What do you think your name’s gonna be?
Kenan: You know, I thought a lot about it. Probably Jade Rain.
Tracy: I think I’m gonna be something class like Lord Burbury.
Kenan: Either way, our life is going to be dope, man.
Tracy and Kenan: [hooting] Our mama! Our mama! Our mama!
[Cut to Dr. Waxler and Beyoncé]
Dr. Waxler: Wow, they really are active. Do you wanna see a picture?
Beyoncé: Absolutely.
Dr. Waxler: Here they are.
[Cut to the computer screen. There are two babies babies with the heads of Kenan Thompson and Tracy Morgan.]
Beyoncé: They’re exactly what I hoped.
[Cut to Tracy and Kenan]
Kenan: Yo! Let me out! I’m coming!
Tracy: Yo, chill, man! Don’t be in such a rush to leave. It will be another 16 years before I’m in something like this.
Kenan: You know, I just don’t wanna make my mama mad, man. She’s having a hard enough time carrying us as it is.
Tracy: Oh, no. She is not. I heard she carried two full grown ladies for ten years named Michelle and Kelly.
Kenan: Oh! Burn!
[Cut to Dr. Waxler and Beyoncé]
Dr. Waxler: Oh, I just lost the picture. It appears the babies are throwing some major shade in there.
Beyoncé: It’s alright, doctor. I got this.
[singing] I got my babies so sleepy right now,
my boys I got my babies so sleepy right now
[Cut to Tracy and Kenan]
Tracy: Damn! I’m getting sleepy right now.
Kenan: [acting sleepy] Yo, we gotta perk up. Why are you letting her do this to us?
Tracy: I can’t help it, dog! It’s too lovely. Our mother is a singular talent. Night-night.
Kenan: Yeah. [yawning] She got me too. Night-night.
[Cut to Dr. Waxler and Beyoncé]
Dr. Waxler: They finally calmed down. That song was wonderfully soothing. Can I hear it again.
Beyoncé: Oh, absolutely. Here’s the remix.
[Beyoncé takes her phone and plays the song]
[Cut to Tracy and Kenan jumping and partying]
Tracy: Damn, this is hot!
Kenan: We partying all night!
[The End]
