Steve Harvey… Kenan Thompson
Justin Bieber… Kate McKinnon
Samuel L. Jackson… Leslie Jones
Paula Deen… Aidy Bryant
Roger Goodell… Beck Bennett
Gisele Bundchen… Kristen Stewart
Bill Belichick… Bobby Moynihan
Casey Affleck… Alex Moffat
Lady Gaga… Melissa Villaseñor
Male voice: It’s time to play “Family Feud: Super Bowl edition.” Here’s your host, Steve Harvey.[Steve Harvey walks to the stage]
Steve Harvey: Okay. Okay, ow, welcome to “Celebrity Family Feud.” Now, in honor of my meeting with Donald Trump, I’m wearing a Trump tie. Trump tie ties so long they put a little tickle in your pickle. Now, this is the Super Bowl edition so we bot celebrity New England Patriot fans taking on celebrity Atlanta Falcons fans. And on the Atlanta side, first up is Falcons fans and little musical rascal, Justin Bieber.[Cut to Justin Bieber]
Justin Bieber: Um, yeah. What’s up Steve. I don’t know if you’ve heard but I’m not bad no more. Um, but I can still do this. [starts jumping around] [Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, okay. Next we got the official voice of the Falcons, Samuel L. Jackson[Cut to Samuel L. Jackson]
Samuel L. Jackson: It’s about time we got these mother flipping Falcons in the mother flipping Super Bowl[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Umm, I don’t know, there’s something different about you, Samuel L. Jackson. Okay, next, we got the most famous Chef in Georgia and America’s leading cause of diabetes, Paula Deen.[Cut to Paula Deen]
Paula Deen: Yeah, I love the Super Bowl. While the boys are throwing around the old pig skin, I’m going to cook a pig skin and serve it with a side of cheesy Fajiddles.
Steve Harvey: Alright. Finally on the Falcon side, the man who suspended Tom Brady for deflate-gate, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.[Cut to Roger Goodell]
Roger Goodell: Hello, Steve.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Now wait, you really a Falcons fan?[Cut to Roger Goodell]
Roger Goodell: Absolutely. Love the Falcons. Doesn’t have anything to do with not wanting to give the Super Bowl trophy to Tom Brady.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Oh, man! You’re going to be watching the game with the same face Obama had while watching this year’s election. Just like, [making serious face]. Alright, over on the Patriots side, first up we got Brazilian supermodel and Tom Brady’s wife, Gisele Bundchen.[Cut to Gisele Bundchen]
Gisele Bundchen: I love the American Super Bowl where millions of people come together to watch TV and teat this garbage.
Steve Harvey: Oh! You know, your name sounds like what my underwear be doing sometimes. Gisele Bundchen. Next up, we got a successful millionaire who dresses like a seventh grade boy. The Patriots head coach Bill Belichick.[Cut to Bill Belichick]
Bill Belichick: Good evening, Steve. We’re having fun here, right?[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Bill, cheer up, man! You’ve won six super bowls and I have never seen you laugh. Give me a laugh, Bill, come on.[Cut to Bill Belichick]
Bill Belichick: [trying to laugh] Ha-ha-ha-ha.[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Oh, I’m sorry I asked. Alright, next, we got an actor from Massachusetts and a Oscar favorite, Casey Affleck.
Casey Affleck: Um, how are you doing, Steve? I, uh, I’m doing good. I guess excited for the Super Bowl. Um, go Pats and all, right?[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Oh my god, you like the first half of commercial for anti-depressants. And finally, this year’s Super Bowl halftime performer, Lady Gaga.[Cut to Lady Gaga]
Lady Gaga: Thank you, Steve. [singing] I got a million reasons my halftime show will rock
They said I can’t be political. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna. [winks] [Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Oh my god. Seeing you before the football fans is going to be like Toby Keith hosting the Tonys. Let’s play a game. Give me Gisele, give me Justin, let’s get on up here.[Justin Bieber and Gisele Bundchen walk to the stage] [cheers and applause]
Justin Bieber: [to Gisele Bundchen] Hey girl. Um, how you doing? Hmm? [trying to do a cool pose]
Steve Harvey: Justin, I got some bad news for you, player. that don’t work on women that’s grown. Alright, top six answers are on the board. The Super Bowl is Sunday. Name one thing that you take to a party. [buzzer] Gisele.
Gisele Bundchen: Cachaca and caipariniahs.
Steve Harvey: Now what you say about Sasha and Malia?
Gisele Bundchen: No. No, I said cachaca and capriniah. They’re drinks. Two of them?
Steve Harvey: You know, I don’t know what you’re saying but you look good saying it. Show me, goulashes and capers![wrong answer buzzer]
Oh, I’m sorry, they’re not up here. Um, Justin, what you bring to a party?
Justin Bieber: Um, Steve, I don’t party as much because I’m a man now. I got like five little moustache hairs and I’m bringing them all for you, girl. But when I do party, I’ma bring my signature cocktail.
Steve Harvey: Oh, I know exactly what you’re talking about. Show me juice box![There is ‘beverages’ in answer board]
Ay! Number six answer. Okay, alright, the Falcon fans have the board. [Steve Harvey walks to team Falcon] Alright, Samuel L. Jackson, something that you bring to a party.
Samuel L. Jackson: Why do I got to bring something? You invited me. That’s a stupid ass question and I hope you burn in hell!
Steve Harvey: Um, look here. I don’t know who brought you up in here. But I”m watching you. Yeah, okay, Paula Deen, give me something that you bring to a party.
Paula Deen: Well, yeah, a party’s gotta have food so I’ma bring my famous seven-layer cheese dip. It’s cheese, then beans, then cheese, then farts, then beans and cheese.
Steve Harvey: Man, you like if Michelle Obama had an opposite person. Show me, bring some extra febreze![wrong answer buzzer]
Sorry, two strikes. On to Roger Goodell, something that you bring to a party.
Roger Goodell: Oh, I love to party. Just you and a dozen lawyers in a luxury box just getting turnt. Turnt up.
Steve Harvey: Yeah, that’s a great answer. ON behalf of all the players in the NFL, this is dedicated to you. [wrong answer buzzer]
Yeah, alright, Patriots fans got a chance to steal. [Steve Harvey walks to team Patriots] Something that you take to a party, give me some answers.
Lady Gaga: Dwarves.
Bill Belichick: Hoodies, maybe?
Steve Harvey: Great answers there but Gisele, it is up to you. What do you take to a party?
Gisele Bundchen: Steve, a party is being together. I’ll say the beautiful spirit of togetherness that makes us all part of the tapestry of humanity.
Steve Harvey: Okay. Show me some nonesense![right answer bell. The answer board has “The beautiful spirit of togetherness that makes us all part of the tapestry of humanity” as number one answer.]
Ay! Man! That was the number one answer! My lord. How did that happen?[Cut to Bill Belichick smiling and using a computer.]Wait! Bill Belichick, did you hack the board? [Bill Belichick laughing weirdly]
Steve Harvey: Oh, you sneaky old fool. Let’s go to commercial. When we come back, I’ll tell you the name of the tiny little elf that hides in my moustache. We’ll see you later.