Chris Pine
[Starts with SNL monologue intro]
[Cut to SNL stage]
[Band is playing music]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Pine.
[Chris Pine walks in and to the stage]
[cheers and applause]
Chris Pine: Thank you everybody. I am absolutely thrilled to be here. This is my first time hosting SNL. [cheers and applause] I appreciate it. I was here once before actually. I did a walk on during Weekend Update when the first Star Trek movie came out. You know, Lorne was impressed that I did such a good job. I could come back eight years later. As many of you know, I have a movie coming out this weekend. It’s called Guardians of the Galaxy.
[cheers and applause]
See? You see?
[audience laughing]
I knew that was gonna happen. I’m not in Guardians of the Galaxy. That’s Chris Pratt. I am Chris Pine. Look, Leslie knows who I am. Leslie, can you help me out?
[Leslie Jones walks in]
[cheers and applause]
Now, Leslie has seen all of my movies. Tell them who I am, Leslie.
Leslie: You Captain America, Chris Evans.
Chris Pine: I’m Chris Pine.
Leslie: Hemsworth.
Chris Pine: No, I’m–
Leslie: Pine! That’s good enough. Come on. [Leslie takes a selfie with Chris Pine] Thank you, Thor.
Chris Pine: No, it’s not- not- not Thor.
[Leslie walks out]
Thank you, Leslie.
Okay, you know what? I’m gonna settle this once and for all right now. Will you bring out the poster I shipped in?
[Someone brings in the poster. There are pictures of Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pratt and Chris Pine.]
I had a small feeling this might happen. I just want to clear things up for everybody here and at home. Chris Evans, right? Chris Hemsworth. Chris Pratt. [pointing at himself] Chris Pine. Hit it guys.
[music playing]
[singing] I’m not that Chris
I look just like him but I’m not that Chris.
not Pratt or Hemsworth, I’m a different guy
not Evans either, look I’ve got my own cool vibe
We’re all white guys but these aren’t the white guys I am
I’m six feet tall and Chris Evans…
Chris Evans is six feet as well.
[Kate McKinnon walks in]
Kate: Chris, oh my god. Hello.
Chris Pine: Kate! Kate!
Kate: Yes!
Chris Pine: You know who I am! Right?
Kate: Yes, of course. You’re Chris Pine, man!
Chris Pine: Yes!
Kate: [looking at the note she has written on her hand] You’re in Star Trek. And um… [peeks at her hand again] Wonder Woman.
Chris Pine: Exactly. I just don’t understand how people confuse us.
Kate: Well, I think– you know what? I think it’s because you’re all named Chris, and you’re all kind of scruffy and squinty and jacked, but in a sweet way.
Chris Pine: Thank you.
Kate: Is this set to “Up town girl”?
Chris Pine: Yes! Yes, it is! [Chris Pine pushes Kate McKinnon away]
[singing] Different Chris
The only one with finger prints like this
you might have have a good eyes
but look real close coz I’m a different guy
[Kate McKinnon walks in again]
Kate: I thought of another way that all the Chris’s are the same.
Chris Pine: Uh-huh. Yeah.
Kate: You’re always at the airport wearing ta raggedy t’s that are tight just around the packs. And you have bracelets with like wooden beads from Bali or wherever.
Chris Pine: I have one but it is from Hawaii. Thank you so much.
[Chris Pine pushes Kate McKinnon out again]
[Pete Davidson bring in a poster with Chris Evans and Chris Pine’s picture.]
[singing] Uptown girl
See, Chris Evan’s character is Steve Rogers, right? And in Wonder Woman, I play Steve Trevor. Right? Completely different Steve played different Chris altogether.
Pete: [pointing at Chris Evans] Are you this one?
Chris Pine: Hey! [pointing at his poster] That’s my face, man!
Pete: Nah! I think that’s Ryan Reynolds.
[Pete Davidson walks out with the poster]
Chris Pine: [singing] ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
I’m Chris Pine!
Pa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aq
I’m Chris Pine!
Hey! Alright! We’ve got a great show. LCD Soundsystem is here. So, stick around, we’ll be right back.
