Octavia Spencer
Mike… Kenan Thompson
Vanessa Bayer
Cecily Strong
Steve… Beck Bennett
Bobby Moynihan
Aidy Bryant
Security… Alex Moffat
[Starts with Octavia talking to her staff]Octavia: Circle up, everybody. Now, I wanna talk about what happened on Friday. Obviously that was pretty upsetting for everyone.
Mike: Yeah, just awful.
Vanessa: I’m still little shaken up.
Octavia: Well, suffice to say, Steve will not be working here anymore. I’ve been told he won’t even be allowed on the premises.
Cecily: Thank god.
Octavia: And I want to reassure you that this is an office where you can feel safe and comfortable.
[funny music playing] [Steve walks in with a cart]What’s that?
Vanessa: Oh, my god! I think, Steve.’
Steve: Hey, hey, hey. Chocolate delivery. Here I am, your humble chocolate delivery man. Your most apology in the form of chocolates. You see? Fripples for all.
Bobby: Are you wearing makeup?
Steve: Just a little bit.
Vanessa: Steve, sweets are not gonna make up for what you did.
Steve: Oh, yeah? Well, here’s a question. [singing] Do you like chocolate lotto? With peppermint crump. du-du-du-du
Do you even like second chances? To a real sorry boy.
What do you say, guys?
Bobby: You shouldn’t be here, man!
Steve: Look, ha-ha-ha, I know I was a bit of a dick. It’s nothing that chocolates can’t fix.
Octavia: You came in with a gun, Steve.
Steve: [singing] Rocky road, lotto, chocolate chips, double dip
Vanessa: Get it off my face, please.
Octavia: How did you get pass security, Steve?
Steve: Steve? Steve? I don’t see Steve. I only see Chucky Chocolate.
Octavia: Chucky Chocolate?
Steve: Jackie Chocolate.
Cecily: No, you said Chucky.
Steve: Who cares? Get over it. I don’t know.
Aidy: Steve, you can’t be here. Okay? You grabbed Debby by the shirt and you screamed, “I’m seeing that chest for once and for all.”
Steve: Thick move. My bad. But in my defense,
you have a pepper mint and your mouth start singing
ooh-yeah! Chocolate time for the lady.
Mike: Steve! Are you honestly so insane that you think free chocolates are gonna get you your job back?
[Steve nodding his head]Octavia: Oh, my god! He just pissed his pants.
Steve: Ha-ha. You wish. [Steve’s pants are all wet]
Octavia: Steve, you need to get out of here.
Steve: Oh, and go to my desk? And start my day? Unpack my things and such?
Octavia: No. I just called security.
Steve: Oh! To escort me to my desk? So I can start my day? Unpack my things and such?
[the security walks in]Oh, who’s this hungry boy? Chocolate, alright! [puts a chocolate in Security’s mouth]
Security: Hey! Come on! Let’s go.
Steve: Hey, can I just say one freaking thing? Nobody will let me even talk.
Octavia: Bitch, you’ve been talking the whole time.
Steve: Look, gang, I know I was a bit of a dick. But look at Mike, he’s going– dude, you’re being too hard on yourself.
Mike: No, I’m not.
Steve: If I had a gun, I’d blow your brains out, Mike. And that’s why I’m Chuckie Chocolate, the elegant chocolate man.
