Corporate Retreat

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Gary… Mikey day

Sandy… Sasheer Zamata

Jim… Beck Bennett

Melissa Villaseñor

Cecily Strong

Felicity Jones

Kate McKinnon

[Starts with Gary and Sandy on the stage announcing their show]

Gary: Alright, welcome to Night 2 of the Hartford Pharmaceuticals Corporate Retreat here at Aston Waikiki Beach Hotel.

Sandy: And a big shout out again to Jim R. from Sedona who wowed us all with his beautiful Hula dancing skills last night.

Gary: Yeah. You sure filled out that hula skirt, Jim.

Jim: Guess what? I didn’t wear underwear.

Gary: Yeah, Jim, we know.

Sandy: Yeah, we saw that.

Jim: Ha-ha-ha. Nice, it was seen.

Gary: Okay. So, Sandy and I were arguing earlier and she thinks people who work in pharmaceuticals are stuffy.

Sandy: That’s right. But, here’s your chance to prove me wrong. Tonight, you’re the entertainment.

Gary: That’s right. It’s Jokey Okey. It’s like Karaoke without music or singing.

Sandy: It’s just you guys telling your favorite jokes. So who wants to go first?

Gary: Oh! Looks like I got someone right up at table three.

[Melissa is raising her hand]

Melissa: She has a joke.

Cecily: Huh? No, I don’t.

Felicity: Yes, you do. the joke from your joke book.

[All Melissa, Cecily and Felicity are speaking weirdly and expressionlessly.]

Cecily: Oh, from my joke book? Oh, I guess I can do it.

Gary: Alright. Let’s hear it.

Cecily: Okay. So, there were two prostitutes sitting in a bar and one says, “Wanna know why I’m so popular?” And she takes a banana and she puts it all the way into her mouth and down. And the bartender says, “Oh, wow! So what makes you popular?” And the second one doesn’t say anything. She just slides down the base of the stool because it goes inside her because she’s so loose.

[Gary and Sandy are shocked]

Sandy: Okay. Well, the seagull was a fan of that.  Who’s next?

Felicity: I have one. Look at me.

Gary: Um, well we jsut had one from your table, so we’re gonna spread it around a little bit.

Felicity: Um, nobody’s hands are up and I’m ready to go. So I’m gonna do it.

Gary: Okay, just one more.

Felicity: Here it goes. What’s the difference between oral and anal relations? One makes your whole night and one makes your whole week (hole weak). Not week like seven days, weak like damaged. Or loose.

[Melissa, Cecily and Felicity are giggling] [Gary takes the mic back]

Gary:  Okay! I think we covered being loose. What else do the people have? [Melissa pulls the mic] Okay. You’ve already done it.

Melissa: Not me. So a man has a sore rear hole. So the doctor tells the guy to take off all his pants and he reaches in there.

Cecily: With that? His hand?

Melissa: Yeah. He reaches up and pulls out a bouquet of flowers.

Felicity: They were roses.

Gary: Wow, okay. Excellent.

Melissa: So the doctor says, “Sir, did you know you have flowers inside you? What gives?” And the patient says, “Well, read the card.”

Cecily: I guess he must have been pretty loose back there.

[Melissa, Cecily and Felicity are giggling]

Gary: Wow. All your jokes deal with being loose. I guess comedy is not for everybody, right folks?

[Kate walks in]

Kate: Hey! Who the hell are you to talk to these women like that? Okay? Maybe no one’s laughing because they’re thinking. These are thinkers. That’s what they call it in the biz.  I know because I dated Richard Lewis before I met the love of my life. Maybe you didn’t like all these those jokes about being loose… coz you’re so uptight.

[Everybody clapping for Kate]

Jim: My beautiful wife. My wife is right, you jackass!

Gary: [confused] Am I missing something? How did I become the bad guy here?

Sandy: She’s right, Gary. You’ve been a jerk all day.

Gary: What?

Sandy: Ladies, you got another one in here?

Cecily: That’s what she said. Oh, wait. No, no. She said, “No, but I would like another one in me.”

Felicity: That’s how loose she is.

Melissa: [giggling] And that’s what he said.

[Melissa, Cecily and Felicity are giggling] [The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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