Vanessa Bayer
Marion Cotillard… Cecily Strong
Lupita Nyong’o… Sasheer Zamata
Debette Goldry… Kate McKinnon
Gay Fontaine… Melissa McCarthy
[Starts with Vanessa in her set]Vanessa: Hello everyone, and welcome to Film Society of Lincoln center. Today’s panel is on the seat of women in film. I’m joined by two of today’s most sought after leading ladies., please welcome Marion Cotillard and Lupita Nyong’o.
Marion Cotillard: Bonjour. Hello.
Lupita Nyong’o: Very pretty to be here.
Vanessa: And we are honored to be joined by two film legends. First, a Hollywood icon Oscar nominee and would be victim of the black Dalia killer, the incomparable Debetter Goldry.
Debette Goldry: Debette? Debette Goldry? Is she still alive? Oh, wait, that’s me. Oh, happy spring.
Vanessa: And next to her is the silver screen siren who holds the record for most on screen love scenes at over 400. Please welcome the legendary Gay Fontaine.
Gay Fontaine: Oh, well, thank you for having booze.
Vanessa: We don’t have any alcohol.
Gay Fontaine: Alright, well, I will tell the same thing I told Richard Burton. Make it quick.
Vanessa: Hey, let’s talk about the current state of women in Hollywood.
Marion Cotillard: We must change who we are to please others.
Lupita Nyong’o: We must change our preferences to be considered agreeable.
Debette Goldry: We must remove our molars to make our faces less polish.
Gay Fontaine: Thanks Finkletown, baby.
Vanessa: I’m sorry, you did what?
Debette Goldry: Look at it. Back then, if you wanted to be a star, you had to lose a couple of bones.
Gay Fontaine: Oh, yeah, one time a producer came up to the two of us and he said, “If you remove half your ribs, I will put you in our movie.”
Marion Cotillard: My god, what did you do?
Debette Goldry: We removed half of our ribs.
Gay Fontaine: And he put us in his movie.
Debette Goldry: [holding her breasts] These are my lungs.
Vanessa: Okay. So, everybody started somewhere. What were your very first jobs in Hollywood?
Marion Cotillard: I had small parts on TV shows like Islander.
Lupita Nyong’o: I actually started in production before I went to Yale drama.
Debette Goldry: Oh, wow, yeah. My first job was as a grip.
Lupita Nyong’o: Oh, like lighting?
Debette Goldry: Oh, no, no. A grip. [gesturing like she’s holding something]
Marion Cotillard: That’s terrible.
Debette Goldry: It’s Awful judgy for someone named Marriott Courtyard.
Vanessa: So, it can be harder for actresses to get the same respect as male costars.
Gay Fontaine: You said it, sister. We were in a film where they credited us as a woman number two and woman number there.
Debette Goldry: There were only two women in the film.
Vanessa: What are some parts that you played that defied gender roles?
Lupita Nyong’o: Well, I think people were surprised to see me as an alien in ‘Star Wars.’
Debette Goldry: Oh, wow. Good for you little Peter. You know, Gay here was the first woman to fire a gun on screen.
Gay Fontaine: Now, it wasn’t in the script. It’s just that people have limits.
Debette Goldry: And for me, I was in the Sound of Music.
Gay Fontaine: What? No, you weren’t!
Debette Goldry: Oh, wait. You’re right. No, I was married to a Nazi. Sorry.
Vanessa: So, um, as actresses, you worked long days on set. How do you unwind your days off?
Debette Goldry: Oh. I’d go visit my little sister. Wink, wink. It’s my daughter.
Gay Fontaine: Oh, boy. Does she hate you?
Debette Goldry: She sure does. Happy Mother’s Day, sis.
Vanessa: Let’s pivot a little aside from your work in films. You have been the basis of major ad campaigns. How do you choose which brands to work with?
Marion Cotillard: Well, I only work with companies that empower women.
Debette Goldry: Oh, yeah, yeah. That’s too. Me and Gay were spokes models for American Lead paint.
Gay Fontaine: Now, with more lead.
Debette Goldry: We did a whistle stop tour all around the country to promote it.
Gay Fontaine: And in every stop, we would drink a little bit of lead paint.
Debette Goldry: Just to see how safe it was.
Gay Fontaine: We did great gig. It paid off my bookies.
Debette Goldry: And now I can see the future.
Vanessa: Well, it looks like we are running out of time.
Gay Fontaine: Well, you know what that means. Girls, down the ratch!
[Debette Goldry and Gay Fontaine pulls out lead paint]Debette Goldry: Okay. We’ve got read or white. Who want’s what?
[Debette Goldry and Gay Fontaine starts eating the paint]