Fire Island

[Star with video clips of people partying in an Island]

Male voice: Audiences are buzzing about “Fire Island,” a new reality show on Logo about ix sexy gay guys sharing a beach house.

Bobby: Cocktails, sunshine, boys.

Brandon: It’s a gay Disneyland, y’all.

Male voice: And if you like separating types of people into shows, you’ll love logo’s other new reality show, “Cherry Grove,” about a group of affluent lesbians, one beach away.

[Cut to ladies taking care of their babies in a beach house.]

Kate: Hey, Beth, did you pack my water socks? Beth? Beth? Beth?

Male voice: Spend a weekend with these sexy studs.

Brandon: 21, and I’m the crazy little one.

Male voice: And these women.

Aidy: I’m 38. And I’m the very intolerant one.

Male voice: Get ready for the insane parties.

Brandon: This weekend, I’m ready for anything.

[Cut to ladies singing dinner prayer]

Male voice: If you think Fire Island is nonstop sex, wait till you see what passes for a bang fest in Cherry Grove.

[Cut to ladies crying in bed]

Kate: [sobbing] I just want you to tell me you see me.

Scarlett: [sobbing] I see you.

Male voice: The boys may love drama, but watch these ladies lose it.

[Cut to Aidy taking pictures of a baby]

Cecily: Hey, hey, hey, hey, I thought we said no screens.

Aidy: Your rules, Puck.

Cecily: I just think if we both agree on something–

Aidy: I do agree, Puck, but when you hammer and you hammer, it’s hard to be in love with you.

Cecily: I’m sorry you feel like hammering.

Male voice: So, get ready for the raunchiest–

[Cut to Scarlett keeping her baby calm]

— craziest–

Kate: That’s a wold sanctuary, alright!

Male voice: Gayest summer you’ve ever had.

Kate: Excuse me, sir, can you lower your jazz? There are five miracles of home water birth asleep in this house.

Scarlett: It’s almost 9 PM.

Male voice: Cherry Grove. Coming soon on Logo. Yas, queen, work queen, yas.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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